Johnson's Meeting House

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T22:43:00.009-05:00

I am thankful for the dogs in my life. What is Dharma thankful for? She says:

1. I am thankful for the special noms I got today. Yum!

2. I am thankful for my cute little clothes that keep me warm.

Don't we look fashionable?

3. I am (usually) thankful for my foster-brother, Manfred. Even if he steals all the best toys and body-checks me when we play football together. (Brothers are like that, I guess.)

On your mark... Get set...

4. I am thankful it is not raining today. But I wish it were sunny. I always wish it were sunny.

Plenty of sun to share.

5. I am thankful for the soft little pink brush Mommy got for me.

6. I am thankful for my Mommy, who cuddles me.

Snore...

7. I am thankful for my Daddy, who plays with me.

Wrestling!

8. I am thankful for my squeaky ball, my favoritest toy.

9. I am thankful for my cute little puppy bed, where I can hide my favorite ball.

10. But I am more thankful when I get to sleep in the big bed.

And I think it is almost time to go get into the big bed, where we can all cuddle together.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2011-10-11T23:20:00.004-04:00

I, Dharma, am here with a very important public service announcement. My Mommy tells me it is now Breast Cancer Awareness Month. You should all do self-exams and make sure your doctor checks you annually. Yes, boys, too. I bet it is much easier for you to do self-exams, because you have hands. Just imagine doing that with a paw! All the other famous models and celebrities are trying to bring awareness to this important issue, so I feel obligated to join in.

Proudly modeling the Breast Cancer Warrior Scarf.

This is a very serious matter. I am quite fond of snoozing on my Mommy's chest. It would be most uncomfortable if it got all lumpy--or even went away. And my little aunt, Holly, had breast cancer. Yes, even doxies can get it! She is doing well now, but it is very scary. If you get your female pets fixed before they first go in to heat, it reduced their risk of getting breast cancer to almost zero. Two important issues in one! No wonder I look so serious in my photo shoot.

Save the ta-ta's. All of them.

Whozzit day?

2011-10-10T01:07:00.010-04:00

No, it is not Columbus Day here. Columbus got lost and then got lucky. He does not deserve a day named in his honor. There are better things to celebrate on this so-called Columbus Day, for example:

1. Fall Leaf-Viewing Day. Take pictures. Drink cider.

2. Mow the Lawn for the Last Time This Season Day. The drinking of cider is optional, but should probably wait until after the mower is safely put away.

3. Stock up on Warm Socks Day. Knitting, buying, or digging out of storage are all permissible.

Pink socks are bestest!

4. Make Soup Day. Cornbread is highly encouraged. Recipe provided upon request.

5. Jump in the Leaves Day. Do this before bagging them, it is less messy that way.

Careful, the glittery leaves are kind of prickly.

6. Walk your Puppy/Kid/Significant Other Day. I'll leave it up to you to decide if you need a leash for this activity.

7. Canadian Thanksgiving. Either be grateful for Canada, or just grateful in general. Turkey eating is common, but not mandatory. Prayers and singing of "Oh, Canada!" will commence at sunset. Touch football will be replaced by soccer for the duration.

8. Is It ANOTHER Football Game Day? Yes, it is. Make pompons out of old newspaper. You may cheer for either team, or just because the game is over. Whatever. Nachos are appropriate for this holiday, but Bagel Bites are also acceptable.

Where are my pompons, Mommy?

9. Dress as Your Favorite Native American day. Just to really tick off Columbus. Great costume ideas: Cher wearing Bob Mackie, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, and Rosa Parks. Yep, she was Cherokee. That's a costume that ought to really confuse people. Don't mess with those Cherokee ladies!

10. Rub your Puppy's Belly Day. In fact, you may celebrate this every single day of the year. I have yet to see a puppy suffer from too much belly rubbing. And believe me, I have done extensive testing. Ear scritches are also appreciated.

You may now celebrate.

What is it? It is cute!

2011-10-08T02:38:00.005-04:00

Scientists have been up to some strange experiments. Is it a doxie-cat? A corgi-cat? Who knows?

Of course, Dharma may be part cat, herself.

Why wouldn't any species want to look more like a dachshund? Even one with her ears in-side out. Hmmm, that may be a another verse to yesterday's song...

I'm listening.

Ode to a Dharma

2011-10-06T01:13:00.007-04:00

Watching Dharma in the warm sun today inspired me to re-write a classic dog song.

Sun worshipper.

How cute is that doggie in the window,

The one with the waggle-y tail?

With her legs so short and her back so long

How cute, how cute can she be?

Pillowtop pup.

How cute is that doggie on the pillow,

The one with my heart in her paw?

With her fur so short and her ears so long

How cute, how cute can she be?

Double-dip doggie bones!

The correct answer is: pretty darn cute!

Big day

2011-09-26T22:04:00.008-04:00

Dharma went to Lotus Fest! We all went to Lotus in the Park. We watched our good friend Carrie (one of Dharma's favorite people) perform with the Hudsucker Posse.

Carrie, on right, with purple flags.

It was cold and threatened to rain, but the show was great. And then we had a hotdog. No, to eat.

Somehow, Derek failed to take any pictures of Dharma that afternoon. Even though total strangers kept stopping to pet her and tell her how cute she was! (They were right, of course.)

We were a little worried when the music got Dharma excited. I was afraid she was going to start howling along with the music. That might have been a bit distracting for the performers.

Carrie, on left, hooping.

Dharma has been getting bedtime reading. It is important to read to your little ones if you want them to grow up to be smart. We have been reading 101 Dalmatians. The Disney movie is only loosely based on the book. So far, we like the book better. Thanks for the idea, Elizabeth!

Adoptable doggies!

2011-09-20T20:10:00.002-04:00

Costume decision

2011-09-20T11:03:00.010-04:00

I think I have decided what Dharma will be for Halloween, if I can figure out how to make her costume. And it will be even cuter than the little sheep (ram?) costume on Amazon:

Baa-rk?

Can you guess what Dharma will be? Hint: it involves a bad pun. Wait, aren't all puns bad? At least in English?

And, just to be fair, we will also include this lovely ferret costume. Who knew there were ferret Halloween costumes? Gee, you don't think they would fit a doxie, do you?

I love how proud the ferret looks about his outfit. I bet, if he didn't like it, he could slide right out of it even faster than Dharma stripped off her fur coat. She doesn't seem to mind it when it is cold out, though. Smart puppy!

Updates

2011-09-18T00:14:00.005-04:00

Why hasn't Emilie been updating Dharma's blog? What has she been up to?

Why, belly dancing of course!

Emilie, dancing with Banat Mara at The Fourth Street Arts Festival.

It started to rain about five minutes after this picture was taken, but we just kept dancing. And the rain chickened out and stopped. If it looks like Emilie is smiling flirtatiously at the photographer, she just might be. Derek took this picture, in between running our music. He is such a good roadie!

Poor little Dharma, she has been so bored and restless since Maddie left. Maybe it is time to foster another puppy? Here is Dharma, looking bored. A true wiener of leisure.

Aw, poor puppy. Doesn't she have a pillow for her little head?

Emilie's Humanities class has been studying Greek architecture and the three orders of columns. Perhaps this picture could help them learn the Ionic order?

Grandma Dharma

2011-09-09T01:21:00.006-04:00

I, Dharma, have another suggestion for Halloween: I can go as either a granny or a hipster.

See? I already have the sweater. My Mommy made it for me. Isn't she talented? It even matches my fur! And it is getting cold enough to wear my little puppy clothes, now.

Thanks, Mommy!

The best thing about wearing little outfits? The overwhelming cuteness enslaves humans to my will. Heh, heh, heh.

Do you think I should find some glasses to go with my costume? Remember, the cuter the costume, the more treats you get!

Another idea

2011-09-03T00:35:00.004-04:00

Oh, Emilie really likes this idea. Dharma isn't too sure about it. She would rather ride a pony than BE a pony. Maybe we could rent a tiny pony for her? Then Emilie could wear a flowery dress and a big, floppy Kentucky Derby hat.

Dharma says she wants to be Kate Middleton, in her wedding dress, for Halloween. If you're going to be a princess, you might as well go all out.

Planning ahead

2011-08-31T00:32:00.007-04:00

Emilie has been wondering what Dharma should be for Halloween. Admittedly, it will be hard to top last year's crayon costume. Or the original Tootsie Roll costume.

She could be Sherlock Hound. She would have a head start, since she already has a lovely tweed jacket. Should Emilie wear a matching Victorian costume, maybe? A nice, Gothic mourning costume, perhaps?

The hot dog is kind of a cliche, unless you can put a new twist on it, like they did with this little weiner. Maybe Dharma could be a bottle of mustard? She has a nice, cylindrical shape. And she looks good in yellow. The cap could be a little pointy hat. Any other doxies want to go as the hot dog with her?

She is so sweet, she could be a banana split. I love that hat, but I'm not sure the doxie likes it.

Perhaps a bottle of Hershey's syrup? She is already chocolate colored, so she would just need the label.

I asked Dharma what she would like to be. She suggested she could go as a nudist:

I'm not sure that is appropriate for the small children in the neighborhood to see. She would make a good fairy princess, though.

What do you think, readers?

Bored fur-baby

2011-08-24T23:02:00.008-04:00

I, Dharma, am now bored. Maddie is gone. I have napped a lot since she left.

Power napping.

At first it was nice, kind of peaceful. But now, I sort of miss her. I have chewed on all my toys. Rearranged my bed. And I even tried to dig a hole in the floor (unsuccessfully.) Now, I am bored.

And annoyed: Mommy went to work today. I thought I had gotten her trained to stay home with me all day! I worked on it all summer. And then, just like that, she goes back to teaching. She was gone for almost six hours today! Hmmph. She really needs to get her puppy priorities straight.

She says that she works so we can buy noms and toys. But what good are toys if you don't have anyone to play with?

Maybe we need another foreign exchange puppy...

Double-cute puppies!

Bye-bye, Maddie

2011-08-20T23:54:00.009-04:00

Yes, Maddie has found her forever family! I, Dharma, am a little lonely, but mostly happy. My mommy says she is going to a very good home, where they will love her and spoil her. And maybe things will get back to normal around her. I hope they are ready for Maddie, she is quite a handful!

One night last week, it got kind of chilly. In an on-going attempt to civilize Mad Maddiekins, Mommy dressed us in little puppy pajamas. I don't think Maddie liked hers.

Or maybe Maddie just liked my pajamas better?

So, instead, we decided to share a nice, snuggly blanket. Maddie is quite warm and soft, when she holds still. Once she fell asleep, we curled up together...

And then cuddled even closer...

Maddie and I became very close during her visit.

It was so nice, we even cuddled some when it wasn't cold.

I shared the sunbeam with Maddie.

I think we finally taught her to play nicely with other doggies. Most of the time. Mommy said she will have other doggies to play with in her new home. Good luck, doggies!

Foreign Exchange Puppy

2011-08-17T00:01:00.006-04:00

Dharma here, updating you on our house guest, Maddie. Yes, Derek insists she is a guest, not a family member. Sort of like a foreign exchange student. She will stay here and learn our ways, teach us new things, and then move on.

Don't think Maddie is all cuddles and wiggles. She steals my toys! And then she does the "cute baby puppy" act so well, I can't stay mad at her. I thought I was good with the puppy dog eyes, but she is a master. I think this picture shows her deviousness and determination, don't you?

Charge!

She's cute and she knows it. And she knows how to use it. She has my Mommy wrapped around her little paw.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

What she doesn't know is that she has a appointment with the V-E-T next week. Yep, she is in for a bit of a surprise. Nail trimming, shots, microchipping, and even something my parents call "fixing." I don't understand. Is she broken?

It really irritates me that she gets more food than I do. I know, puppies and their fast metabolism. But she gets two meals a day, and I only get one! And she gets treats for doing the least little thing. The way my parents carry on, you'd think she was pooping rainbows when she "goes" in the backyard. And they don't even get mad when she makes a little puddle inside. It's the magic puppy cuteness, I tell you.

Nobody said she's not allowed on the couch.

But I admit, it has been nice to have someone to play with. And snuggle. She's not allowed in the bed, for some strange reason, but I am. And don't worry, I am still bigger and stronger than she is, so I can always steal my toys right back. Right now I think I will go steal the warm spot she made in my blanket.

Mad Maddiekins!

2011-08-13T11:47:00.007-04:00

Marvelous Maddie

Maddie is settling in nicely. She is a puppy, though. So she is very energetic! We are trying to teach her to "SIT" before we give her food. She will sit, but when you start to pass her the food, she jumps up and down in excitement. Even some of my friends commented that, compared to Maddie, Dharma seems so calm and serene. Hence the name Dharma, I suppose. And Maddie's new nickname: Mad Maddiekins. Sort of like the guy in Willow.

Dharma shows Maddie the right way to sunbathe.

She and Dharma are playing together kind of rough, but they both seem to enjoy it. And, so far, there are no injuries (except to the carpet...) They are so cute when they pretend to be fierce!

Maddie, looking wild-eyed, trying to steal a bone from Dharma.

When they fall asleep, they look so innocent, don't they?

Maddie and Dharma, (kind of) sharing the blanket.

Dharma says

2011-08-07T00:26:00.003-04:00

I don't hate the foster puppy. I'm just suspicious of her. She's cute, and she worships me. She says she wants to be just like me when she grows up. (First, she'll have to learn not to nip the humans.) But I'm not sure I like the way my Mommy is looking at her. See what I mean?

"Isn't she the cutest thing!"

Maddie update

2011-08-06T01:01:00.005-04:00

Maddie has completely worn us out, including Dharma. Since the puppies are both asleep, Emilie will report.

Maddie has peed on the carpet twice, and destroyed one houseplant. To be fair, the houseplant was on its last legs anyway. She is doing very well. She is playful, curious, and affectionate. And if she gets any cuter, she will probably burst. If you look closely, you can see that she has a little white spot on her chest. It is very soft.

Maddie gets tummy rubs.

If she sees Dharma doing something she wants to do it, too. That is good if Dharma is demonstrating SIT before getting breakfast. It is not so good when she wants to chew on theexact same bone that Dharma is chewing on. She also nipped Dharma a few times. Dharma growled at her, and she backed down. Then, thirty seconds later, Dharma was coaxing her out from under the table to play chase. No wonder they are both sound asleep!

Chase! Dharma (left) and Maddie (right.)

Big news!

2011-08-04T22:06:00.007-04:00

Having conclusively proven that puppies are the mostest bestest things in the whole wide world, I, Dharma, have some news.

We are fostering another doxie. My mommy says that is like having a foreign exchange student. She will stay with us for a little while, we will teach her proper manners, and then she will move on to live with someone else. I, Dharma, have my doubts about the "moving on" part.

This is Maddie. She is 5 months old.

Of course she's cute. She is a dachshund. She is very playful. Here we are playing together:

Maddie (left) and Dharma.

And I am very tired now, so this will be a short post.

If you know of a very good home for little Maddie, you can contact The Nest.

Puppies are better than men

2011-08-02T00:22:00.009-04:00

To be fair, I will now explain why puppies are better than men, too. Aren't you glad, I, Dharma am here to tell you these things?

1. We don’t need to shave. And we are never prickly or stubbly if we don’t.

2. Dogs don’t sweat. Well, technically our paws can sweat, but we don’t even HAVE armpits!

3. You can pick out all our clothes. So you will never be embarrassed to be seen with us.

Bloomers?!? Mommy, what were you thinking?

4. We don’t leave our dirty socks and underwear on the floor. In fact, if you leave yours on the floor, we just might make off with it.

Must be Booger Dog.

5. We don’t care about watching sports. We will never ignore you just because the game is on. If you want to throw us a ball, on the other hand…

6. We will never complain about your housekeeping. To us, your floor is always clean enough to eat off of!

Nom!

7. Doggies love to cuddle. In fact, we will cuddle all day and all night. Snore…

I am helping Mommy work on the computer.

8. We don’t drink out of the carton. Honestly, that is just because we can’t open the refrigerator. Darn opposable thumbs! Why don't they make refrigerators with doggie doors?

9. We will never gripe about your cooking. And we will help you clean up the kitchen floor when you are done. Crunch, crunch. You may never need to sweep again!

I am helping Mommy. Like my hoodie?

10. We really are that into you. We will never stop loving you. Doggies never lie about love. Although we might lie about who made that mess on the carpet…

Here I am, trying to give my Mommy a hug.

Note: For those of you with less well-behaved dogs, Emilie clarifies: Dharma is not trying to be intimate with my arm. She is actually trying to pull off my pink velvet gauntlet to play with it. She loves this velvet belly dance outfit because it is so soft. Sort of like fur. And wouldn't the world be a better place if more people wore gauntlets? Dharma and I think so!

Puppies are also better than women!

2011-07-31T20:02:00.023-04:00

Here's why:

1. 1. We don’t wear makeup. You will never get lipstick marks from smooching us!

Mwaw!

2 2. You will never have to wait for us to finish getting ready for a date.

Puppies need only minimal primping.

3. 3. If you take us out, it won’t cost you anything. A nice walk down the street is just fine with your doggie.

Walkies!

4. We don’t spend money buying purses or shoes. Actually, we might even help you reduce the number of shoes you have (nom, nom.)

5 5. You will never have to listen to us talk about our feelings. In fact, we are very good listeners for whatever you want to talk about. Yes, even sports. We would love to hear all about that great catch you made in ninth grade. Again.

Ha! You crack me up!

6 6. Puppies do not tell embarrassing stories about you to their friends. Well, if they did, you wouldn’t know, because I have yet to meet the human who can speak dog. My mommy says she wants to learn, but I have my doubts about her linguistic abilities.

7. We will never say, “We need to talk.” If I could talk, I might say “We need to play fetch!”

8. 8. We don’t mind if you hang out with the boys. Especially if you do it at home. Those guys are slobs, they drop all kinds of nummy things.

Pig out!

9. 9. We totally won’t complain if you burp, scratch, or do any of those other things like that. We won’t even complain if you figure out a way to lick your own butt.

10. We will never, ever ask you “Does this collar make me look fat?” Although we might crawl weakly across the floor, whimpering, so you can see that we are starving and need to be fed.

Does my butt look big in this picture?

P.S. If any of this seems sexist or simplistic, blame my parents. They let me watch Two and a Half Men on TV.

Watchin' TV.

The Top Ten Reasons Why...

2011-07-28T14:49:00.009-04:00

Puppies are better than babies

Do not confuse fur babies with people puppies.

1. Diapers. Ick! If you thought scooping the poop was bad, just try changing diapers. Even a human can smell that. At least doggies go outside, not in the house.

2. If you fed your kid the same thing every day, it might be child abuse. Feed me the same thing…feed me anything…and I will love you forever! And no arguments about vegetables or the clean plate club.

3. No talking back. Although I have been known to scold my humans. (Only when they really need it.)

4. We’re cheap. You can get puppies for free. Please adopt a puppy, so many of us need good homes. Apparently you have to pay for babies. Or at least pay the people vet.

5. You can’t get your kids fixed. Even if some parents of teenagers might want to. We saw a bumper sticker downtown that said “Spay and neuter your pets. And all your weird friends and relatives, too.” Um, I have a few humans I would like to nominate, please.

6. No college fund. Although my mommy says if I get any smarter she will start saving up for me to go to school. Is that a threat? I’m not really sure.

7. We’re soft and furry. Babies are bald. Some of them even look a bit like Voldemort, with no hair and flat noses. I am told they outgrow that awkward phase. But, really, dogs are cuter than humans.

8. You can let us sleep in bed with you. I am puzzled that it is apparently uncool to let your people puppies do that. I guess they are too helpless to hog the bed the way puppies do. Come on, you know you want puppy cuddles on a cold night.

I love you, Derek!

9. We can hold up our own heads, thank you very much. Although it is kind of cute when babies are all helpless and floppy. It makes me want to lick their little drool-y chins.

Heads up! (An out-take from the Midas photo shoot.)

10. You can leave us at home without a sitter. And you can put us in a pen without anyone calling the authorities. In fact, we kind of like having a snug little den to go to.

This is my den, also known as the "Dog Cave."

Bonus reasons: if you bathe us once a month, you are a good parent. Just try that with a people puppy! If you brush our teeth occasionally, we’re good. Humans, not so much. No offense, but “human breath” can get pretty stinky.

Incredibly cute word of the day: pummy = puppy + tummy.

I point out the pummy area with my little paw.

Dharma explains. . .

2011-07-25T02:45:00.013-04:00

Why dogs are better than cats.

We’ll skip to the top ten reasons, even though there are many more we could mention.

10. There is no such thing as a guard cat. Sure, your cat might attack a burglar, but just for the fun of it. Not to defend you or anything.

Always watching.

9. Cats don’t bark. Doggies bark to warn of danger: fire, robbers, alien invasion, birds in the grass, killer squirrels… If your house were on fire, do you think a little mew would wake you?

8. Our spit is antiseptic. If we lick your wounds, it actually helps you get better. Cats have sandpaper tongues. You don’t want them licking your boo-boo!

Kiss!

7. We do our “business” outside. No kitty litter, no stinky boxes!

6. We may steal your pillow, but we will not try to sleep on your face.

But, Mommy, where are you going to sleep?

5. No claws. No, I do not have claws. Those are toenails, and you need to trim them. A little polish wouldn’t hurt, either.

4. We will walk on leashes. Just try doing that with a cat! And this encourages you to exercise. (You know you need it.)

Faster, Mommy, faster!

3. Have you ever seen an assistive cat? No, a cat would just let you lie there on the floor instead of getting help. He might even sit on you.

I'm not sitting. I'm snuggling.

2. Cats don’t fetch. They have servants to do that for them.

I brought it, now you throw it.

1.Cats expect you to worship them. Doggies worship you. We love you! I actually saw a bumper sticker that said “Lord, please help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.” Such a nice sentiment.

There, I hope that clears up a few things.

My crazy humans

2011-07-20T01:39:00.010-04:00

Dharma here. Today, I would like to tell you about my parents (my adoptive parents, that is, Emilie and Derek.) I know that all kids say this, but I think my parents might be crazy. Even considering the fact that they are human, they do such strange things.

They wear clothes when it is very, very hot outside. Derek even wore a dress shirt and tie when it was over 100!

My parents went to Las Vegas, in August, then they dressed up and went outside. Geez!

If you must wear clothes, why can't they be those nice, soft pajama things? The ones you don't mind if I shed on?

Me and Mommy, in our comfy pajamas (I am checking the box for contraband sausages.)

And you wear such silly outfits, too. Not only do my parents dress me in silly clothes, they also wear them, too. Why is this?

See? Crazy!

Why do they spend money on things you can't eat or play with or chew? Mommy has dozens of shoes, but she won't let me chew on any of them. And she only has two feet, not four. Surely she has a few extras I could munch on.

My humans keep bringing home bags of stuff with no dog food or toys in there. This is unacceptable. Mommy went to the Antique Mall, and all she bought was some tiny little dishes. They are kind of pretty, but they certainly aren't big enough to hold even a small, dachshund-sized snack.

Mommy's fancy dishes. She has lots of little "salts." See them on the middle shelf? Tiny!

Even crazier, I overheard my parents talking about possibly "fostering" another dog. And I know there is no way they could return the dog when the time came. They would want to keep it. As if I am not enough dog for them. Hmmph! I had better go stir up some trouble to keep my parents occupied. Maybe Booger Dog could give me some advice.

Lookin' for trouble. Is it Dharma...or Booger Dog?

Dachshund Doppelganger

2011-07-17T02:36:00.010-04:00

Dharma here. Today I would like to introduce you to the "other dog" who lives in my house. Some might call him an imaginary friend, but he is real to me. His name is Booger Dog. He is very naughty. I am never naughty, but Booger Dog does all sorts of bad things. He pees on the floor, he chews up Mommy's shoes, he shreds pretty Mommy's belly dance scarf. See, I would never do any of those things. I am a very good little girl.

Sweet, adorable Dharma, being a good puppy.

My parents get confused sometimes, because Booger Dog looks just like me. Except, of course, he's a boy. So they think that it is me doing all that bad stuff. Totally ridiculous, I tell you! Even if you thought you saw me doing something bad, you were mistaken. It was obviously Booger Dog.

Booger Dog, in mysterious silhouette, plotting backyard mayhem.

You can tell, just by looking at me, how innocent and sweet I am, right? I would never do some of the naughty things Booger Dog does. He chews up my nicest toys, he tries to dig holes in the carpet, and he even hides under the bed and refuses to come out.

A rare photo of Booger Dog. See, he's trying to steal Mommy's birthday presents. If the tissue paper wasn't in the way, you could see that he's a boy--and not me!

I tell you, this Booger is giving me a bad reputation. Siblings can be such a pain sometimes!

Editor's note: Booger Dog could not be reached for comment before this story went to press.

Furry Princess

2011-07-11T20:46:00.005-04:00

Who is Dharma channeling now? A famous Shakespearean character. No, not Ophelia (there's no water.)

She is Titania, the Queen of the Fairies in Shakespeare's Midsummers Night's Dream.

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,

Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,

Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,

With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine:

There sleeps Titania sometime of the night,

Lull'd in these flowers with dances and delight;

And there the snake throws her enamell'd skin,

Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in

If you look closely, you can even see a hint of snake-skin in her curtained bower. According to the play, she sleeps surrounded by her fairies. They sing her a lullaby.

FIRST FAIRY. You spotted snakes with double tongue,
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong;
Come not near our fairy queen.
Hence away!

CHORUS. Philomel, with melody,
Sing in our sweet lullaby;
Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lully, lulla, lullaby;
Never harm,
Nor spell, nor charm,
Come our lovely lady nigh;
So, good night, with lullaby.

SECOND FAIRY. Weaving spiders come not here;
Hence, you long legg-d spinners, hence!
Beetles black, approach not near;
Worm nor snail, do no offence.
Come not here.

CHORUS. Philomel with melody, etc.

FIRST FAIRY. Hence, away! Now all is well.
One aloof stand sentinel.

Sleepy fairy princess.

Looks like the lullaby worked! No snakes, hedgehogs, or spiders. And a slightly sleepy puppy. She even hopped back onto the butterfly pillow after I put away the flowers. (I think she was hoping for more treats.)

Heroic Dads

2011-07-11T17:39:00.003-04:00

Read about a heroic dad

My Daddy would have done this for me. How do I know? Well, aside from my childhood belief that my father was Indiana Jones, I do know. Because he kind of did. Maybe it wasn't as dramatic, and it certainly didn't make local television. But my Daddy risked his life to save mine.

When I was a sophomore in high school (yeah, not even a cute, helpless little girl), a severe tornado struck near our house. It hit the Air Force base that was about five blocks away. You can see a video of the tornado here. You may have seen this tornado video on the Weather Channel before. It was an EF5 (Enhanced Fujita Scale, at that time a 5 was the highest, most severe rating. It is still the highest rating that has ever been observed.) 17 people were killed, winds reached 200 mph, and many well-constructed houses were totally destroyed.

This storm produced 55 tornados across multiple states. We were already in the basement, watching the weather. When the video of the tornado hitting the Air Force Base came on TV, my Dad started to get "a little worried," as he later put it. He put my mother and brother under the computer desk, covered them with couch cushions, and put me under the big, old oak desk. Then he covered me with his own body. He didn't even try to cover his head, he put his arms around me, using himself as a shield.

The tornado didn't hit our house. If it had, I doubt any of us would have survived, even in the basement under sturdy furniture. If I had, it would have only been because of my Daddy.

Less than block away, the tornado destroyed several large, wooden telephone poles in an otherwise empty field. They were never found. Perhaps they turned into toothpicks?

Thank you Daddy, for putting my life ahead of yours. I know I can never repay you. I am so lucky to have you for a Daddy!

Dharma wisdom

2011-06-26T00:13:00.014-04:00

You may have seen those lists that say things like “Everything I need to know, I learned from my dog?” Today I, Dharma, will tell you a few things that I think humans need to learn.

1. Cleanliness is overrated. Not only are baths unpleasant, they also remove all sorts of interesting smells. When I sniff your feet or your breath, I can tell what you ate, what you did today, where you went, if you are sick, and what kind of mood you are in. Since most dogs can’t understand people talk, smell is a valuable source of information. Just because you can’t smell very well doesn’t mean your dog doesn’t enjoy a good sniff of the person he loves.

Here is my mommy, letting me sniff around a bit. She even lets me play in the dirt. And see how happy it makes her?

2. The same goes for walks. Smells are more exciting to us than sights. (Especially for those of us who are low to the ground.) Just once, try letting your dog sniff everything that interests him during your stroll. It will be fun for him, and good for you. Haven’t you ever heard the saying “Stop and smell the roses!” Or the pansies, as the case may be.

Sniff!

3. That also means you should slow down, enjoy the moment. Dogs are very good at living in the moment. We don’t need to take yoga lessons to learn to focus, to “be here, now.” You humans worry too much about the future (and the past.) Maybe that is a side effect of your over-developed timekeeping skills. Don’t rush. Just take things in. Breathe deeply, and rub my belly. Even if it makes you late to work.

This belly ain't going to rub itself!

4. Acceptance. Like many dogs, I am a Buddhist. (Bet you could’ve guessed that from my name, huh?) Even humans are not all-powerful. You can’t change everything. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow. Can’t cope? Try taking a nap. Everything will look brighter after a little snooze.

I force--I mean help my humans to relax.

5. As a Buddhist, I also seek to avoid conflict. I think some humans argue just to argue. Dogs play just to play. Sure, to the uninformed human some of our play might look a bit like fighting.But it is all in good fun, without hatred. It is impossible for a dog to hold a grudge. (I don’t hate the V-E-T, I just don’t trust him.)

I assure you, my furless friends, that these few lessons will make you a happier being. And, just maybe, a better person. Just because you aren’t a dog doesn’t mean you can’t try to be more like one.

Simple pleasures bring joy.

2011-06-22T00:23:00.008-04:00

Dharma is back!

My mommy says that some people might not like to read a blog entirely written by a doggie. Is that really true? Why? She said it might be "too cutesy." I don't understand. If something is too cute is it just bad because it makes the rest of your life seem dull and ugly in comparison? Please explain.

My daddy had to log in and help fix some typos on yesterday's post. It is hard to type with paws.

The paws in question. I can type really fast since I have four of them.

It would be nice to have opposable thumbs. I could use doorknobs and can openers. I could get in sooo much trouble! Of course, my feet might look kind of funny. I guess I like them fine the way they are. My mommy calls me "Little Miss Pretty Paws." Now that name might be an example of something that is "too cutesy."

I am feeling very famous. Not only do I get to write on this blog, but some pictures of me showed up on another blog. Very nice pictures, too. My daddy takes lots of pictures of me, but his stupid camera makes my eyes look red. They are actually a nice caramel color.

A very artsy photo showing the real color of my eyes.

Sometimes my mommy sings this song to me, "Brown Eyes." It is to the tune of "Green Sleeves."

Brown Eyes is my delight.

Brown Eyes is all my joy.

Brown eyes is my heart of gold.

I stand ready at your paw

To grant what e'er you may have saw,

And all for my puppy, Brown Eyes.

(Repeat refrain.)

I like to sing along. Sometimes I howl so loud that it echoes and sounds like a whole lot of doxies. It is fun when my mommy and daddy and I all sing together. It reminds me of howling with my doggie family. When I was a tiny puppy, I lived in a house with lots of dachshunds. For a while, there were 15 of us! It was fun, but sometimes loud. (Yes, my foster mommy was a very brave woman.)

Of course, there are advantages to being an only dog. I get all the toys, all the noms, and all the attention. Sometimes mommy will rub my belly and daddy will rub my ears at the same time. Doggie heaven! And I have three different beds, all for me. No, I am not spoiled. Surely you admit I deserve it?!? Hmmmph.

It might be nice to have a chance to play with other doggies. I certainly enjoyed doing that at summer camp. Socks, would you like to have a puppy play date? I have a very nice backyard. And last time I had a doggie friend over we had lots of fun. Any other playful pups out there?

Bark blog

2011-06-21T01:26:00.017-04:00

Dharma here again. To answer a question, I went to summer camp at Canine Companions. They even have a doggie cam, where you can watch your little fur baby while you are at work. Boy, is it hard looking cute for 12+ hours a day while you’re on TV! Well, it is easier for some of us than for others. For instance, there was a little pug at summer camp. He had charming short little legs like mine, but his whole face was all flat and wrinkly. I tried to lick it to make it better, but he didn’t appreciate that. Poor guy, he panted like crazy in the heat!

This is me, just enjoying the sunshine.

Fortunately, when it got too hot, we went inside to play. When it was over 90 degrees, the little dogs came in. When it got above 92, the big doggies joined us. Well, in a different room. That made it hard to fairly judge our barking contests. Why do humans keep their rooms so cold? You have magical powers to make it light or dark, warm or cool. So why don’t you keep everything at a reasonable 80 or 82 degrees? Especially since you don’t have any fur to keep you warm. (Although I did meet a very handsome human recently. He had fur all over his face. Maybe he can teach my Daddy how to do that, too?)

I suppose you all do look a little funny, all bare and furless. Is that why you wear clothes all the time? My Mommy won’t even open the patio door to let me go outside to take care of business unless she has clothes on. Even when I need to go really bad! It would be so much easier if you all would just grow a bit more fur. It would look better, too. Not to mention saving time, time which could be better used playing with your puppies.

I had lots of fun at doggie camp, but I did miss my parents. Especially at bedtime. But doggie summer camp is better than a hotel. You get to bring your own bed with you. That makes it much easier to sleep in an unfamiliar place. I don’t mind sleeping alone, as long as I have a cozy blanket. My blanket smelled like home, until the silly camp counselors insisted on washing it. Then it smelled funny. Hmmmph!

This is the pink bed and fuzzy blanket I got for Christmas. My old bed is in the background. I just use it for watching TV now.

And we had to go inside if it thundered. I don’t like thunder. It sounds like a great big doggie in the sky is growling at me. It gets so loud it hurts my little ears. Well, big ears, I guess. Sometime all my fur feels staticky and tickly, too. I hate that. All the licking in the world won’t make it better. The very first full day of summer camp we had very big storms. Even the camp counselors were a little scared. It took a long time to herd all the excited puppies inside. But I am special. They carry me up the stairs. The other doggies have to walk in. They must like me best. The thunder wasn’t as loud inside, especially once we all got to barking together. Take that, big doggie in the sky!

Don’t tell my parents how much fun I had at camp. They feel guilty for leaving me behind. And I have been using that to my advantage, just a little bit. The day Mommy brought me back home, I coaxed her back into bed for cuddles. She fell asleep and we napped together for hours. You humans really need to nap more. Preferably with your dog. It would be even better if you would nap in the sun. Why don’t you humans nap in the sun more? It is so warm and relaxing. Sigh. Yawn.

In the big bed, with my buddy, Teddy.
Could someone pull up the covers, please?

Dharma speaks

2011-06-20T00:39:00.005-04:00

Hello, readers. This is Dharma, the dachshund. Since my people have been so slow to post lately, I have decided to try taking matters into my own paws. Fortunately, I have very small dainty paws that fit nicely on the computer keys.

Notice the tiny paw

My humans went out of town on vacation recently. They went on a “cruise.” I’m not exactly sure what that it, but they tell me it involves lots of water and lots of food. It also required lots of suitcases. I don’t like suitcases. They often presage disruption in my life. Grrrr.

For some reason, doggies are not allowed on cruises. How great can these cruises be if there are no dogs? So I went to summer camp while my humans went on their cruise. Summer camp was great! There are lots of other doggies. We are divided into two teams: the big dogs and the little dogs. Of course, I am on the little dog team. Sometime we have barking contests. There are more big dogs than little dogs, so that hardly seems fair. They usually win on volume, but we win in barks per minute. Dachshunds have very big voices. My mommy told me this is so we can bark so loud underground (while hunting badgers, don’t you know) that our humans can hear us from above ground. Every dog knows that humans don’t hear so well, so we have to be extra loud.

My mommy says I am her little hearing-ear puppy. I bark to let her know the phone is ringing, the cell phone is beeping, the doorbell is being pushed, or even that there is a bird in the back yard. I am very helpful. I even have special barks for all of those different occasions. This is a very important job and I take my duties seriously. It is nice to just relax at camp for a few days.

At doggie summer camp, there is another little dachshund. His name is Odie. He is very handsome. It’s not that I don’t like other types of dogs, but everybody knows that dachshunds are the cutest dogs. Those other doggies look like they are wearing stilts. Hah!

We get lots of sunshine and fresh air at doggie summer camp. We run and play and then we rest in the sun. There is shade, too, but who would want that when they could lay in the sun? (For sun safety tips, click here.) There is even playground equipment for us to use. We can climb the steps, sit in the little fort, or run through the tunnels. It’s great.

After a long day outside, the puppies are very tired. We get to eat dinner. That’s a special treat for me. I usually only get to eat once a day, at breakfast. That’s what the evil V-E-T told my parents to do. But at doggie summer camp, I get a bedtime snack, too. Then I clean my teeth on my special chewy bone. It is very important to clean your teeth after you eat.

Sometimes, if we’re not too tired, we have another round of barking contests. Or we tell scary stories. I especially like the scary stories about cats. So spooky! Can they really see in the dark? Do they always land on their feet? Can they really pull their claws in and poke them out? Scary, I tell you.

Would you like to hear more from me, Dharma? Or should I let my mommy have the keyboard back again?

My mommy and grandmother, with me at the keyboard.

(At least they didn't get me a matching shirt, too!)

Midas

2011-05-14T21:01:00.005-04:00

Dharma as Queen Midas.

You know the story of King Midas, don't you? He foolishly wished that everything he touched would turn to gold. That was great, until he tried to eat...and his food turned to gold, too. And his beloved daughter ran into his arms...and turned to gold.

Gold everywhere, and nothing to eat!

In some versions of the story, after he learned his lesson, the gods relented. Don't worry, Queen Midas was smart enough to ask for something slightly different: everything she pees on turns to gold.

And, yes, our model did get tasty treats. No wonder the vet told us she needs to lose about 12 oz. today. That's a lot when you weigh less than ten pounds. Poor puppy! Shots and a diet!

Next time: Pandora.

Let the series begin!

2011-05-04T23:01:00.005-04:00

Our new series will be mythological figures!

I haven't had time for a new photo shoot, what with grading papers and writing a final, so I will offer an older picture:

Notice that the ball of yarn on the right is connected to the fractional sweater on the left by a strand of yarn that goes all the way around the couch and coffee table.

So what mythological figure is Dharma channelling? Penelope, Odysseus' wife. She put off her pushy suitors while her husband was gone by claiming she needed to weave his burial shroud before she could choose a new husband. Every day she wove the shroud, and every night she unravelled it. Apparently her suitors were not very bright, because she put them off for ten years this way.

Derek and I weren't sure how to interpret Dharma's destructive behavior. Was it saying "No, Mommy, don't make me wear a stupid sweater!" Or perhaps "I want to play with the pretty yarn just like Mommy does!"

I recently made Dharma a little sweater vest, but it is kind of homely. I'm not sure it lives up to her total cuteness.

The mythological series will continue, and we are taking suggestions!

A real dwarf?

2011-05-02T10:39:00.008-04:00

As you can see, Dharma is well-qualified to play the Seven Dwarfs. Here she is, being "dwarfed" by the tulips. (This was taken last spring. This spring, there are tulips but Dharma would need a little raft to sit in front of them.)

Dwarf Doxie

In fact, dachshunds are dwarfs. Their little short legs are caused by a genetic mutation very similar to one that can cause dwarfism in humans. Corgis and bassets are also affected. It only affects the long bones, so the torso develops normally, only the legs (and the feet) are short and curved. It might look silly, but it is very handy for fitting down rabbit holes!

Oddly, dachshunds don't often have leg problems, but they are prone to back problems. This difficulty seems to be caused by selective breeding for the longest possible torso. The ribcage in doxies is so long that it holds most of the back rigid, protecting those vertebrae. But that leaves only a small area of flexibility in between the ribs and the pelvis. Those vertebrae take a lot of stress. I wonder if studying doxie backs could help us treat lower back pain in humans?

In case you were wondering, our hard-working model celebrated Easter by hunting plastic eggs filled with dog treats. We had to hunt in the house, since it was raining. She is very good at it, and she can pop those eggs open in nothing flat. This picture was taken last year, when it was warm and sunny.

Alas, the Snow White series is finished. What would you like to see next? The months of the year? The Seven Deadly Sins? Mythological figures? American history?

Look out, Snow White!

2011-04-27T00:16:00.003-04:00

Oh, no! The wicked witch is sneaking up on Snow White. Maybe she is jealous of the Handsome Prince?

Okay, maybe just a little bit. The other evening, Derek said "You are so beautiful." Emilie thought he was talking to her. But when she turned around she realized he was talking to Dharma. Sigh. Well, Dharma is beautiful.

Next time: Dwarf Cred

Prince?

2011-04-24T02:01:00.004-04:00

Every beautiful princess gets a handsome prince. I hate to admit it, but Derek is Dharma's favorite human.

Didn't you know, all princes are wearing black-tie these days? Capes are so passé. Actually, Derek was all dressed up to take Emilie to the opera. Dharma was just dressed up for the picture. Isn't that a cute little frock? I wish it would fit me. They are so adorable together.

But all is not rosy in fairytale land...

Can it be?

2011-04-22T01:29:00.003-04:00

It is the star, Snow White herself! Isn't she lovely?

She seems wistful. Maybe she is dreaming of her handsome prince?

To be continued...

Last but not least...

2011-04-19T22:58:00.003-04:00

A Happy Ending!

But wait, there are more pictures in this series! What will they be?

My favorite dwarf

2011-04-18T00:26:00.004-04:00

I admit it, Grumpy is my favorite dwarf! Although Dharma is usually good-natured, she can be quite grumpy on occasion.

She has good reason to look grumpy in this picture. She was just home from the vet's office after having surgery to remove part of a stuffed animal from her stomach (two octopus legs, to be exact.) She was also wearing a little people-puppy onesie to keep her from biting her sutures. She was not a contented canine. Don't worry, she is all better now. And, next time, she will show you her impression of Happy, the dwarf.

Dopey the Dwarf

2011-04-15T10:27:00.003-04:00

Sorry, Dharma, but your Dopey picture is just too good not to share. Dopey did have big ears...

She's such a good sport. Don't worry, she always gets lots of treats for posing for us.

Pup-a-boo

2011-04-13T23:58:00.004-04:00

Well, hello under there! It is perhaps the cutest dwarf of all...

Bashful.

Just call me Doctor...

2011-04-12T23:14:00.001-04:00

This is Dharma's impression of Doc the Dwarf. Don't worry, kids, she grades easier than Emilie does.

And another

2011-04-11T17:58:00.009-04:00

Here, Dharma does her impression of Sneezy the Dwarf:

Keep in mind, it isn't easy to photograph the actual moment of a sneeze. And, even if you catch it, it tends to look more like a bark or a cough. This shows the ticklish moment right before the sneeze. If you remember Disney's Seven Dwarfs, that is the funniest part, anyway.Like some humans, Dharma has photophobia. No, this isn't a fear of light. It is a reflexive sneeze reaction when stepping into bright light, like sunlight. And it is very cute.

Tomorrow: Doc

(For previous dwarf, click Older Post, below.)

Return of the Dachshund!

2011-04-11T01:07:00.004-04:00

Yes, for your viewing pleasure, Dharma has returned! Don't think that the puppy deserted her loyal fans. It was more a matter of her "Mommy" spending more time on Facebook and less time here. But, really, the blog is a better showcase for our puppy's extreme cuteness, isn't it?

For at least the next week or so, we will resume the Daily Dachshund photos. As requested by one of her fans, Dharma will model her impression of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. And you will see, she is not only cute, she is also quite the ham--I mean, actress.

Sleepy

Like dwarves, doxies can apparently sleep anywhere. And don't think for a minute that she doesn't have plenty of soft, cozy places to sleep. She even has tiny pillows for her little head. She just preferred "roughing it" for this particular nap for some strange reason. Who know what thoughts go through her little furry head? I do wonder what she dreams about, when her little paws run or she licks her lips in her sleep. Is she dreaming of chasing badgers? And eating them. With ketchup.

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T18:26:00.002-05:00

Dharma has a question: Where are the presents?

Don't worry, there are plenty of puppy presents. Which leads to her next question: why do we have to wait until tomorrow to open them?

Happy Christmas to all!

Happy Holly Dog!

2010-12-13T20:39:00.004-05:00

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Um, well, crazy canine Christmas costumes?

Doesn't this puppy deserve a treat for her patience? What a good girl!

What do you call...

2010-10-29T09:07:00.004-04:00

What do you call it when a whole bunch of dachshunds get together? (No we did not suddenly acquire more puppies, these pictures were taken last Christmas at my parent's house.) My mom says you should call it "a cuddle of dachshunds." Sort of like "an exultation of larks."

My Dad is the King of the Dachshunds. They follow him around the house all day, in an admiring parade. If he sits down, they fight over his lap. He favors the term "a thundering herd of dachshunds."

I, personally, prefer the term "a curiosity of dachshunds." This refers not only to their personality, but also to their unusual shape.

These doggies are very curious about the smell of Christmas dinner cooking. From left to right: Hunny, Henry, Holly, and Dharma. Hunny and Henry are rescue dachshunds. They were not treated very well at all before they were adopted by my parents. But now, they have hit the doggie jackpot! Hunny is named after her color. It is spelled the way Winnie the Pooh spells it, since no one loves hunny more than Pooh. Henry is named after Henry VIII, who also had red hair. They get lots of loving and treats, to make up for not getting much attention early in life. They didn't even know what grass was, they had never been allowed to walk on the grass before! They didn't know how to play with toys, either. No matter how much my parents feed them, they stay very skinny. This makes Holly jealous, since she is often on a diet. But Holly is definitely the head of the pack. When they parade after my father, she gets to lead the way. Maybe we should call them "a string of dachshunds." Like a string of sausages.

Happy Hallowiener!

2010-10-24T22:26:00.004-04:00

Petsmart had a little Howl-o-ween party for puppies. I still find it hard to believe that Dharma didn't win the costume contest!

Maybe it was because she kept taking her crayon-point hat off? It did make her look a bit like a gnome, but it earned her plenty of noms. I think her little tummy was pooched out after the party, she got so many treats!

Now that's how you celebrate Howl-o-ween!

So, which is cuter: the crayon or the Tootsie Roll? Which should I put on her for October 31st?

Ready for Halloween?

2010-10-17T22:32:00.004-04:00

Dharma is getting all ready for Halloween. She is collecting bones to make a skeleton. As you can see, she has several all lined up. Don't worry, these are actually artificial teeth-cleaning nylon bones. No icky germs or dangerous splintering involved. They come in flavors like chicken and chocolate. Do you think she's just a teeny bit spoiled? Naaaah.

Next time: Dharma's new Halloween costume. Is it as cute as the Tootsie Roll one? Is that even possible!?! Stay tuned...

More doxieness!

2010-10-10T02:44:00.003-04:00

Mad props to this adorable website, all about dachshunds! Too bad they already took the name "Dachshund love."

What do dachshunds love? Well, Dharma loves lolling on the couch. Preferably with her favorite blanket and a warm human to cuddle. Yeah, Dharma, I love that, too.

Is it just me, or is she smiling in this picture?

Demanding Dachshund

2010-09-07T00:50:00.009-04:00

Demanding dachshunds prefer to steal only pink laundry. And they will steal the pinkest item in a whole load of pink clothes. (Do most people have entire loads of pink laundry?)

Demanding Dachshunds also prefer to be held against pink shirts. Bright pink sets off their chocolate brown fur best. And they prefer the term "Discerning Dachshund." Not demanding. Just discerning.

And this is the Discerning Dachshund's new favorite video. She loves watching it, she even tries to lick the screen to show her adoration. Best enjoyed with speakers on and doggie on lap.

Dachshund as art

2010-08-25T10:30:00.007-04:00

Dharma is not only cute, she is also artistic. Here, she pays tribute to Titian's Venus of Urbino.

Venus

(with cute little Spaniel)

Dharma.

Dharma is very good at lounging around. She is quite the couch wiener. That is like a couch potato, only furrier. Derek says she prefers the term "Wiener of Leisure."

Dog days of summer

2010-08-20T10:46:00.008-04:00

Yes, it has been a bit warm here in Bloomington. Dharma shows you how to make the most of a hot day.

Enjoy the cool of the grass beneath your feet...or your face.

It is important to avoid too much exercise in the heat. Lie down and rest if you need to.

For even sunning, be sure to roll over occasionally.

During peak UV exposure times (10 am to 2 pm) rest in the shade. And be sure to protect your eyes from that UV radiation! There are many fashionable styles of sunglasses available. Even for doggies.

Next time: enjoying the indoor cool.

Darling Dharma!

2010-08-17T19:58:00.004-04:00

As requested, here are more pictures of our puppy, Dharma. Here she is, hunting for a treat that disappeared into the flowers.

This one reminds me of the line in Bambi, "He can call me flower if he wants to!"

Here, she is just enjoying the warm sun.

None of these pictures would have been possible if we had not been so derelict in mowing the backyard. But aren't they cute?

Where have I been?

2009-08-16T16:18:00.002-04:00

Why haven't I been posting to my blog? Well, one of my former students talked me in to joining Facebook. What can I say, I have been assimilated. One black hole-type time waster at a time. I will post more pictures of Alaska soon, I promise.

Ship Secrets

2009-07-19T20:41:00.018-04:00

Derek got to go on a special, behind-the-scenes tour of our ship. Only a few people get to take it, but you are able to see areas normally off-limits to the guests. (So, he was only able to take a few pictures, for security reasons.) Did you know that all cruise ships have a medical center and a morgue? Well, you know, people do die, and the average age of cruisers is a little higher than that of the population as a whole. (From what I saw at the buffet, some people might actually manage to eat themselves to death. It's a twenty-first century Trimalchio's feast!) This ship has room for three bodies. The doctor joked that if they start passing out free ice cream, you know they needed the freezer space for a fourth body. Okay, I guess medical humor is just a little strange.

Navigating a ship is very complicated, especially if you are sailing through narrow channels full of icebergs. (The secret, according to the captain, is just to hit the ice slowly enough that you gently push it out of the way.) There are multiple ways to steer the ship, including a joystick. Even when the ship is docked, there are always at least two people whose only job is to keep watch on the bridge. There are also lots of safety features, like some very nice lifeboats. Oddly, cruise ships do not rely on GPS. They use it only as a backup system. The primary means of navigating are compasses and paper charts. And eyeballs. I'm not sure if that knowledge is comforting or not. Especially when the whole ship was completely shrouded in thick fog one morning. On the other hand, I think I trust people more than computers. As Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) once said, right after the toaster incinerated his toast, "When you consider how well most basic appliances work, it's amazing that anyone ever gets on an airplane." Hence, the two people keeping watch on the bridge.

Yes, Derek got to meet the captain. Yes, the captain does actually steer the ship.

Some long-time cruisers complained that they didn't get to see the captain and chat with him as much as they usually did. The captain explained that he had spent more time than usual steering the ship, since this was only the ship's second time in the area and he needed to steer through the rocks and the ice. Seems like a pretty important job to me. Much more important than hanging out with the passengers!

Derek was very impressed by the ship's huge laundry room. A ship that big generates a lot of laundry. They change the sheets for all the passengers every day. There was a sign in our bathroom that said to hang up the towels if we were willing to use them again, but they were all replaced every day, too. And all the tables in the dining room had white tablecloths and cloth napkins. And I thought WE had a lot of laundry to do! The ship has huge mangles to fold and dry the linens all at once, to avoid needing to iron them.

Derek was unfamiliar with mangles--yes, those things you used to crank the laundry through to wring out the water. Who knew anyone still used them?

Derek also got to tour the engine room. The ship has 6 engines and can run fine at full speed with 5. They can tear down and rebuild an engine on board while the ship is at sea. The anchors are also impressive, more than 6 feet long.

The ship has two, and an emergency backup. EVERYTHING on the ship has backups. Hearing about some of the safety systems from Derek made me feel better. Even when it was foggy.

The tour also included the galley. Can you imagine feeding 1000 people all at once? Complete with special requests like "Can I have the gravy on the side?"

So the galley is huge, with some of the biggest pots I have ever seen. I think the food was extra good, because the executive chef for the whole cruise line was visiting our ship to inspect operations. Yes, feeding that many people is like a military operation. A few supplies:

And, just in case the regular food on the ship isn't good enough, there is also a premium restaurant on board, Sabatini's. It is by reservation only and costs an extra $20 per person. (Yes, in case you have any money left by that point in the cruise.) As the name suggests, it has an Italian theme. Dinner is served in courses, with lots of tastes of lots of dishes. And by "lots" I mean I lost count. Highlights I remember: antipasti with marinated veggies and cured meats,

seafood, salad, soup, pizza, multiple pastas, and a choice of main courses. I chose lobster tail with champagne butter. And the tiramisu was also memorable. We ate there on a slow night, when most people were still ashore in Juneau. There was only one other table of people in the whole restaurant, so we had three waiters to dote on us all evening. We were so spoiled!

Oh, in answer to a question: how much do people dress up on cruises? Well, we dressed up a lot on formal night. Maybe 10% of the other passengers were as dressed up as we were on the formal nights: tuxes and long gowns. Others had on glittery cocktail dresses and dark suits, for the most part. On the other nights, dinner was a lot less dressy. I wore a dark skirt and a dressy blouse. Derek wore khaki pants and polo shirts, which was pretty typical in the dining room. The other people at our table were slightly less dressed up. During the day, there were lots of jeans and khakis. Sweaters, fleece pull overs, and tacky souvenir tees were popular. I even saw one man in a shirt that said "I'm retired, this is as dressed up as I get."

The Ship

2009-07-10T21:37:00.017-04:00

Derek got up very early on Sunday morning to take a walk. He got to see our ship, The Star Princess, come in to port. Emilie, on the other hand, knows how to enjoy a vacation and slept in a bit.

The ship has 17 stories (and a few more below the waterline) and holds 2,600 passengers. We boarded the ship about noon, via a tower of walkways.

We had heard bad things about long lines and grumpy employees at embarkation. But everyone was efficient and friendly. Except for some passengers. Obviously, a few people had never attended kindergarten. So they didn't know about things like standing in line and taking turns.

It is always exciting to board a cruise ship. This one had a huge, beautiful atrium. Sort of like the lobby in a very grand hotel. With those 17 levels, there are lots of elevators. That's what is behind the swirling silver foliage--a glass elevator.

We went to our cabin first. They are usually small, but adequate, with plenty of storage. We went for the least-expensive option, but were upgraded to a room with a window.

Our stateroom was ready when we boarded. That is amazing when you remember that the previous group of passengers only left the ship at about 9:30 that morning. Each room steward is a combination housekeeper, delivery man, and mother: they clean the room, bring you ice and the ship's newspaper, and even turn down the bed at night. Once he realized I liked to take naps and had long hair, our steward made sure to pop in to make the bed AGAIN after my nap and to leave extra towels. We got so spoiled. Somehow, our bed at home has not learned to make itself twice a day. Nor have chocolates appeared on the pillows.

The first order of business, after dropping our hand luggage in the cabin, was to explore the ship. It was really beautiful. The inside pool was warm and sunny, with beautiful mosaic decorations. We hung out here a lot: read, sun, and gaze out the windows.

The mosaics are glittery and colorful. Derek already looked relaxed and happy.

Just a few steps away from the pool (and the cushy lounge chairs) is the food: pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, a bar. We had our first meal at the buffet. There are stations for soup, salad, bread, lunch meats and cheeses, fruit, dessert, ethnic foods (varying every day: Chinese, Japanese, Italian, etc.), and carved meats like turkey and roast beef.

And thus begins the endless food extravaganza that is cruising. Food is included in the price of the cruise, although soda pop, alcohol, and fancy coffee is not. You could truly eat 24 hours a day. The buffet is always open, there is room service, poolside snacks, and four meals a day served in the dining rooms. (Yes, there is afternoon tea, just in case you feel a bit peckish before dinner.)

The service in the dining room is as lavish as in our cabin. Two waiters serve 4-8 tables. We chose "Traditional Dining," which meant we ate at the same time, with the same waiters and the same tablemates, each evening. Our waiters learned what we liked to drink and had it waiting for us, just like our own personal staff might do. We were never able to empty our glasses of water and tea. New silverware was brought for each course and the table was crumbed before dessert. The level of service was beyond anything I have ever experienced on land, except possibly at the old Pump Room in Chicago. No fancy restaurant in D.C. or Chicago lavished as much care on its diners as even a basic cruise ship does. When we got back to shore and I had to use the same fork for salad and entree it was such a rough return to reality! Here is a typical menu. Depending on your web browser, you may be able to click to see it larger.

You can order as many courses as you like, or two things from one course. Or, if you like, two servings of the same thing. This first night, Emilie chose the melon appetizer, cream of mushroom soup, prime rib, and something chocolate for dessert. Derek had the spring roll, tortelleni soup, and pan-fried barramundi (which is a kind of fish), with cheesecake for dessert. For some reason, we forgot to take a picture of the dessert menu. There were always 5 or so choices, including cheesecake, a sugar free dessert, and house-made (ship-made?) icecream.

Amazingly, we managed to waddle off after dinner to watch comedians or stage shows, or to do a little dancing. There was live music in the various small bars around the ship: oldies, ballroom, Latin, country, classic rock, big band. Derek was a very good sport about dancing. On the other hand, he figured he would never see any of these people every again, even if we did look silly. There were several serious ballroom and swing dancing couples, ranging in age from mid-twenties to perhaps mid-eighties. It was almost as fun to watch them as it was to dance!

There were two formal nights on the cruise.

Emilie got a new dress just for the occasion.

Derek brought his tux. Isn't he handsome?

Of course, if you didn't want to dress up, you could eat at the buffet or order room service. We dressed up and even had pictures take by the ship's photographers. The photos are just one way the cruise line parts you from your money. Alcohol and duty-free shopping are two others.

The second formal night:

The food is even fancier on formal nights. Derek had lobster, which the waiter even removed from the shell for him:

Emilie had Beef Wellington. It was tastier than it was photogenic. And, amazingly, it was served as requested: genuinely well-done.

I can't decide which is cuter, the swirl of duchesse potatoes or the tiny bowl made out of yellow squash!

Next time: more fine dining and a behind-the-scenes tour.

Cruising

2009-06-28T23:05:00.008-04:00

Okay, okay! By popular demand, the Puppy Party Post will be delayed. Here, we will report on our totally awesome cruise to Alaska. I kind of thought Derek would be posting about this, since he took about 700 pictures during our vacation. No exaggeration. But he has this JOB thing that is taking up a lot of time, and since I am only teaching one hour a week this month, I guess Emilie will tell you about our cruise.

We kicked off our trip at the new, renovated Indianapolis airport. It was pretty, but I can't help but wonder if it was strictly necessary to spend quite so much on things like a 4-story atrium and Indiana themed art. Maybe more bathrooms would be a better use of my tax dollars? Here is the rather industrial-looking food court:

Our cruise departed from Seattle. We spent a day there before we got on the ship.

I had never been there before, and it was just beautiful. Plants that are small shrubs in Bloomington turn into TREES in Seattle.

Seattle is a very dog friendly city.

That just made me miss Dharma. We had to take her to Canine Companions for TEN WHOLE DAYS while we were gone. It was really hard to leave her. She is the smallest dog staying there. What if she thought we weren't coming back for her? What if she was lonely? What is the other dogs were mean to her? (Do I sound like Hagrid, worrying about Norbert, the baby dragon?) I admit, I did go look at her on their puppy cam while we were in Alaska. Yes, you can look at your pampered pooch on a live web cam while you are gone. This tells me that there are other puppy parents who are as over-protected as I am.

The best part of Seattle was getting to see our friend from college, Girl in Greenwood. Emilie had seen her for a few hours at the Chicago airport in 1999, but Derek hadn't seen her since we graduated from K-State in 1997. And we had never met her husband. It was wonderful to see our friend, and it felt like we had just seen each other the day before. She gave us a wonderful tour of the city, including the troll under the bridge. Not every city can say they have one of THOSE!

Next post: the ship.

Birthday Dog!

2009-06-19T07:43:00.011-04:00

Yes, as you can see on her neckerchief, Dharma is having a birthday. She is two!

And she got lots of presents! Unfortunately, she now thinks all tissue paper belongs to her. And it better have treats inside! She really "got into" opening presents!

She got a cute little sundress. Perfect for warm, sunny days on the patio.

And a reversible bandanna. A regular bandanna is too big for her, it looks more like a cape. This one is just right. And it coordinates nicely with her chocolate brown fur.

She is all ready for Independence Day, with a red, white, and blue ruff. It even has stars.

She also got a lovely cookie/cake from the London Dog bakery. It was so big, it lasted for two days (as doled out by Emilie, Dharma would be happy to eat until her little legs couldn't reach the ground, if she had half the chance.) She wasn't sure if the cookie or the crinkly bag was more fun.

Next: Puppy Party!

We have a garden!

2009-04-26T19:52:00.012-04:00

The average last freeze date for Bloomington is supposed to be April 15. So, does that mean it is safe to finally plant something? Only about half of the time.

We planted some tulips in front of the house last fall. They were supposed to be white, pink, maroon, and white with purple edges. Unfortunately, the maroon came up more fuschia or purple. And the white came up looking . . . yellow, with red streaks.

I guess they were mislabeled. The overall effect is a bit like Mardi Gras. I was hoping to have pink and maroon flowers in the front of the house, to harmonize with the gray and white house and go with the maroon front door. Purple and yellow weren't exactly what I was picturing. At least the yellow tulips are big and beautiful. And the yellow seems to fade a bit as they open fully. Or am I fooling myself?

I was so eager for spring I couldn't wait for warm weather, so I started some seeds indoors.

We planted them yesterday.

We hope to have cornflowers, blue and white morning glories, moon flowers, and lady lavender (a lot like true lavender, but blooms the first year and is slightly less invasive) by the trellis. So far, we have . . . bean sprouts.

We have tulips in the backyard, too. They were supposed to be purple. I suspect they are the exact same variety as the ones out front that were supposed to be maroon.

Oh, well. At least they came up. I think the hydrangeas next to them are alive. But I have serious doubts about the lilac bush. Other people have actual lilac blooms in their yards right now. I have some tiny buds on the end of dry sticks.

I think I have garden jealousy. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors shrubs." The book "The Princess Bride" says that originally, all jealousy was reserved to plants. That's where the phrase "green with envy" came from. Tee-hee.

Maybe I can just stick these pansies in front of the slow-growing lilac bush. It IS a rather small bush.

Our snowball bush has little blossoms on it. They're just more green than white. Is there such a thing as acid snow? Maybe that's why its green. I have fond memories of a snowball bush in the house where I grew up. A branch with a "snowball" on the end makes an excellent fairy wand.

Out front, the little faux gas lamp will be surrounded by echinacea, red morning glories, cosmos, and zinnias. I hope the cosmos attract as many caterpillars and butterflies as last year. Dharma loves to chase the butterflies. But they cheat: they can fly and she can't.

Dharma has been enjoying the warm weather, too.

Guests

2009-04-24T21:31:00.012-04:00

We managed to put the guest room at Johnson's Meeting House to use again over Easter weekend. Derek's mom and stepdad came to see us.

Left to right: Terry, Gerry, and Derek

They had planned to come last October, but Terry (the stepdad) fell and broke his foot, which made driving 11 hours to see us sound a LOT less appealing. They brought their puppy, a Maltese named Abby.

Abby and Dharma met last Christmas when we stayed with them (and, crazy people that we are, took Dharma with us.) I would say they learned to tolerate each other, that's about all. This visit they did play a little bit, but we made sure to keep them in different rooms when we were gone.

Dharma says "Who is this, and WHAT is she doing on my pillows?"

Dharma kept stealing Abby's toys. And even a whole bag of her things!

Bad doggie!

Nonetheless, both doggies were visited by the Easter Bunny. They shared the treats fairly well. Abby had an easter-egg print bandana and Dharma had a little spring frock from Emilie's mom, and they both looked adorable. Clearly, dog spoiling runs in BOTH families.

The non-puppies among us had Easter brunch at the Tudor Room, a restaurant in the IU Memorial Union. It is, as the name suggests, a gothic revival style hall. The food was nice, our server was sweet, and we all had more than enough good things to eat. On the other hand, they need to hire me next year to organize them. Reservations were lost, lines were formed and then ignored, some people gave up and left without dinner, kids cried, and everyone waited much longer than necessary. Step one to fixing this mess? Get someone with good English skills to work at the reception stand. Really. The person working there was not able to answer questions like "Is this the right line for people with reservations?" On a more cheerful note, we also walked around and admired the flowers and trees on campus. They were lovely, and set off our Easter bonnet and flowery dresses very well.

Emilie had to keep teaching all week, but Derek was able to take the week off. He took our guests to Indianapolis, the outlet mall in Edinburgh, and lovely downtown Bloomington. Emilie joined them to go to Nashville. Much eating and shopping was enjoyed by all. Well, Derek probably enjoyed the eating somewhat more than the shopping.

Next post: spring gardening update!

Birthday...or birth week

2009-03-23T06:22:00.012-04:00

Emilie is a year older. And she managed to drag out the festivities for over a week. It helped that Ivy Tech decided to honor her birth with a week of Spring Break.

Siberian Iris. Not at Ivy Tech, just a sign of spring.

One present that came in the mail was supposed to be opened at once. So the puppy could start wearing it immediately.

On her birthday, Emilie slept late and then opened presents. Opening presents in bed is a bit like having breakfast in bed. But without the crumbs.

There were so many gifts . . .

That Dharma had to help open some.

Then yet another present came in the mail.

It was a shirt from Derek, in Emilie's new favorite color. (And it apparently matches Dharma's eyes, too.) Is that what business people call just-in-time inventory?

Puppy in pink

2009-03-09T22:54:00.007-04:00

The nice lady at London Dog ordered some special coats to fit dachshunds. Most doggie clothes don't fit them so well, and then their little tummies get cold. So I spent way too much money on this cute little pink, soft, fleece jacket.

The brand is TeckelKlub. Teckel is German for dachshund. No, actually, they don't call them dachshunds in German. They are sometimes called Dachels, which I think is some sort of diminuation of dachshund. Dachs means badger (not to be confused with Dach, roof.) Full-sized doxies were bred to hunt badgers. That's why they are so fierce. Would YOU want to head down a tunnel with a badger at the other end? Me neither. The mini doxies were used to hunt weasels--also not an easy job.

Dachshunds can even compete in an event called "Earthdog." They have to track down rabbits (or rabbit-scented items) in underground tunnels. I think Dharma would love that. She likes to dig and burrow. And she thinks the trellises are little doggie tunnels. Isn't it nice that we have a doggie playground in our backyard? Boy is she going to be mad when we move the trellises.

On a chilly night recently, Dharma and Emilie both wore matching pink pjs. Yep, that is totally disgusting. But, boy, were we cozy!

Signs of Spring

2009-02-14T08:38:00.008-05:00

Our last post was about a foot of snow. Well, with the melting snow comes signs of spring...

Our trees and bushes are starting to get their buds...

Our tree in our front yard

Our lilac bush

And one of the hydrangeas (we're not too sure about the other one)

Now that the buds are on the trees, Emilie has also started making plans...

The pots are ready

Emilie has plenty of seeds on hand

Emilie is going to take the trellises (from our neighbor's tent that was destroyed in the remnants of Hurricane Ike), stand them up on end, and grow some viney plants on them.

I have been instructed to get this arch assembled so we can put it in front of our gate at the back of the yard

Another sign of spring? Robins! These two birds (one on each side of the fence) came out to say "Hello" while I was taking pictures. (Then they saw Dharma and decided it was best to fly off to safer territory.)

Oh, and the final "sign" of spring? Us wishing everybody a Happy Valentine's Day!

Dharma is in her Valentine's Day best, too!

It snowed this week, just a little bit.

2009-01-31T17:46:00.012-05:00

Emilie's mom sent Dharma a little doggie vest for cold, wet weather. It is quite reflective.

It matches Emilie's new coat.

Dharma's coat arrived just in time for the biggest snow storm of the year. It snowed.

And snowed.

And snowed some more. Derek had to shovel snow just so a little doggie could get outside to do her business!

Derek also had to shovel the driveway. Three times.

Derek's new weather station was buried in snow.

So we had to turn to more primitive methods of measurement. It snowed more than twelve inches in all.
And it is just starting to melt.

Books, books, books!

2009-01-22T09:56:00.008-05:00

The new bookshelf isn't QUITE full, yet.

Books are one of my favorite gifts, to give and to receive. As I mentioned, we got lots of books for Christmas. Here are a few of them:

The City of Dreaming Books, a novel about a fantasy world obsessed with books.

Swindled: The Dark History of Food Fraud, from Poisoned Candy to Counterfeit Coffee, by Bee Wilson (this one is part of my weight-loss program!)

Maps that Made History, by Lez Smart (Is that his real name?)

The Garden in Bloom, Ann Lovejoy (So nice to read when it is snowing outside!)

Sacred Food: Cooking for Spiritual Nourishment, Elisabeth Luard (With recipes.)

The Naming of Names, Anna Pavord (A really cool book about Linnaeus and binomial nomenclature.)

How to Cook a Hippopotamus: The Folio Book of Quaint and Curious Advice (Includes "How to Behave on a Sinking Ship," "The Market Value of Good Manners," and a recipe for Bear Rump Roast.)

When you Catch an Adjective, Kill It: The Parts of Speech, for Better and/or Worse, Ben Yagoda (This brings to mind a friend's t-shirt: English doesn't borrow words from other languages. It knocks them out in dark alleyways and goes through their pockets, looking for loose grammar.)

Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities, Russell Ash and Brian Lake (Such as "Living with the Dead," "How to Avoid Work" and "The Art of Faking Exhibition Poulty." I haven't noticed How to Cook a Hippopotamus in here, but I'm not finished reading. Unfortunately, this book lacks ordering information!)

So, let me know: what books did you get for Christmas?

Daily doxie dose:

Even a puppy can't make this carpet look good! Doesn't she look disapproving? This ugly carpet was in our hotel on the way to Kansas. We learned there are two kinds of hotels that accept dogs: the kind where Paris Hilton stays with her little chihuahuas and the kind where a little dog pee can't really make the room any dirtier. Seriously.

Home improvement

2009-01-19T23:20:00.006-05:00

Derek would like to state, for the record "I hate home improvement projects!" We managed to take an entire evening to put up a second towel bar in the guest bath. Someone might have lost the drill, then someone might have not held the drill very steady while drilling. If you do that, the hole ends up too big. Then the plastic anchor disappears into the little hole. (We eventually just pushed it in and let it fall down in between the walls. 'Bye-bye little plastic problem!) Then we had to find a bigger anchor and a bigger screw. Someone even insisted on using the level to make sure the towel bar was perfectly straight. But, we got it done.

I'm not sure it was worth it. Even though I did hang some pictures I made over the new towel bar. That part went much better.

And, don't forget, your daily dachshund dose. Here is Dharma, trying to prevent Derek from playing video games. After all, he should be playing with HER.

Finally!

2009-01-18T20:36:00.005-05:00

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve drummers drumming

Tapping their dainty paws on tiny golden drums.

Actually, her paw is behind the drum. Isn't it a cute little drum? It was part of a somewhat gaudy floral pick from the craft store. It was so tiny, I was afraid she might try to eat it. When we started taking pictures, Dharma got all excited, because she gets treats for posing. And she practices her "sit" and "stay," so it's very educational. I love this picture because you can see the cute little whorl of fur on her chest. Take my word for it, it is a very soft spot to pet when she rolls over on her back and lets you rub her belly.

Behind her, you can see part of our new bookshelf. We got so many books for Christmas that we needed more shelves. (Not that books are a bad thing, not at all!) And my mom is cleaning out her house by filling up mine. So she sent me most of my childhood books, including some Little Golden Books. I remember those fondly. When we went to the grocery store, if I was really, really good, sometimes I got a book. That was way better than candy. So, clearly, I have always been a nerd. Even before I could read.

On the 'Leventh Day of Christmas

2009-01-12T20:35:00.006-05:00

My true love gave to me
Eleven Pipers Piping

What? You didn't think we'd let her smoke a pipe, did you? How do you get a doxie so interested in a horn-shaped Christmas ornament? With peanut butter, of course.

I know, this series is taking a bit longer than twelve days. Epiphany was the 5th, and that was when the 12 Days of Christmas should have ended. I'm not sure why "having an epiphany" means coming to a sudden revelation. It seems like it should mean something more like "getting a surprise present." Since, of course, that's what Jesus got when the Three Wise Men showed up on Epiphany. Or maybe it should mean "getting a strange and totally impractical present." I mean . . . frankincense? What a great baby gift. Actually, come to think of it, maybe an air freshener IS a good present for a new baby. They CAN be kind of stinky, especially before disposable diapers and plastic trash bags were invented.

It is still the Christmas season, though. To prove it, I present a picture of Dharma getting a slightly delayed Christmas present today. It was a squirrel, from two little doggies she gave cookies. Doggies aren't so big on calendar dates, its more of the thought that counts.

Ten lords a-leaping!

2009-01-10T22:03:00.009-05:00

Well, really only one cute "lady" leaping. But she's really leaping!

Air Dharma!

She also does hurdles.

Elapsed time: .3 seconds

Elapsed time: .5 seconds

Excellent form! Just look at that dismount! Did you see those ears fly?

After so many jumps, Dharma decided maybe she needed a parachute. Unfortunately, sometimes you get tangled in your own 'chute.

It is so embarrassing!

Actually, that isn't a parachute harness. It is the little harness for her cute doggie car seat. Yes, she has a car seat.

Partially for safety, but also so I didn't have to hold her for 12 hours straight while we drove to Kansas over Christmas. I think she liked it. She could see out of the window or curl up and sleep.

Of course, I did hold her part of the time.

This is the only way to travel: a book in one hand and a doxie in the other!

Ladies dancing!

2009-01-08T19:49:00.007-05:00

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Nine ladies dancing.

Dharma dancing, with a little help from Emilie.

Dharma says, "Enough with the pictures. Let's boogie!" (While, apparently, flashing the "puparazzi.") I know, it looks like she's going to bite me, but she's actually crunching up a Milkbone.

All that dancing makes for a tired puppy:

Eight days and counting. . .

2009-01-06T21:03:00.005-05:00

On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
Eight maids a milking.

Or just one really cute little milk maid!

Dharma says: Yum, milk!

And a close up of her new outfit:

On the Seventh Day of Christmas. . .

2009-01-04T23:15:00.006-05:00

My true love gave to me
Seven swans a swimming.

Emilie: Uh, Dharma? Where are the other five swans?

Dharma: Oh, no, Mommy. I ate them! I thought they were snacks, not props. But they weren't nearly as yummy as the French hens. Do we have any more of those?

Just kidding. Actually, the "swans" are little scented soaps. And there were only two of them to begin with. Honest.

On the Sixth Day

2009-01-03T20:20:00.012-05:00

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me

Six geese a-laying

Yes, they were real eggs. No eggs were injured in this photo session.

When we were taking these pictures, my mom said, "Boy, is Daddy going to be mad if we break eggs in the bed!"

There were lots of pictures of furry blurs, of Emilie's hands, and a few of doggie butts. Here are a few and what I imagine the doggies were saying:

Holly: Hey, Dharma. Eggs!

Dharma: Hmm. . .

Both: Sniff, sniff, sniff.

Dharma: (Sniff) These are REAL eggs!

Both: Mine, mine, mine!

The Fifth Day

2009-01-02T22:55:00.008-05:00

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five Golden Rings
(And two little doxies!)

Holly, with black fur and red collar, is my mom's dog. She is older than Dharma, but smaller. Dharma, with chocolate brown fur and pink collar, is bigger but she is only 20 months old. They play together pretty well--as long as Dharma doesn't touch Holly's favorite toy, a little squeaky pig.

Gratuitous dog picture:

Baby loves bling!

And then. . .

2008-12-30T23:18:00.013-05:00

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Four calling birds

Those darn birds, they just keep calling. Luckily, Dharma has a cute little pink phone to answer. Yes, it is a real phone. It usually sits on the bedside table. Emilie always wanted a cute little pink phone. When she saw one at Target, she couldn't resist.

Dharma and her "aunt," Holly

Dharma has made friends with Holly, but Holly is definitely the alpha dog. As long as there are plenty of toys for all, they get along just fine. Is there anything cuter than a doxie? Yes, TWO DOXIES!

Emilie and Dharma, Nancy and Holly

The third day. . .

2008-12-30T22:54:00.004-05:00

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Three French hens (scroll down for the rest of the verse)

Dharma says, "Boy, those French hens sure were yummy. Capons, I think they were. The meuniere sauce was just lovely. And they left me these cute hats." Actually, she did get a tiny tidbit of turkey for Christmas dinner. But no gravy, and definitely no pie.

Yep, she's so happy her eyes are glowing. At least its not the red eyed "devil dog" look. What's a devil dog? A little chocolate snack cake. Maybe Dharma could be a Devil Dog for her next Halloween costume?

On the Second Day of Christmas

2008-12-29T11:56:00.003-05:00

My true love gave to me two (tasty) turtledoves

No, they're not really turtle doves, they're a chickadee and a cardinal, ornaments from our Christmas tree. Dharma has been very good around the tree, especially after the plastic branches scratched her little nose. Of course, we haven't done anything really foolish, like leaving a wrapped package with dog biscuits in it under the tree.

No, the putative second doxie is not going to be a baby sister for Dharma. She is my mom's dog, Holly. (Yes, she was a Christmas present several years ago, can you tell by the name?) With any luck, we will be able to get them to pose in the same picture without attacking each other or eating the props. And if we do, we will consider that to be a Christmas miracle!

Historical note: when the Song of Solomon in the Bible says "And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land," they don't mean a tortoise-type animal. I always wondered what a turtle's voice sounded like when I was a kid. Remember, English has changed a bit since King James had the Bible translated into English. They mean a turtleDOVE. Makes so much more sense that way. Derek's mom read this passage at our wedding:

For, lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of the singing of birds is come,
And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.

See a lovely turtledove here.

Song of Solomon 2:11-12

The First Day of Christmas. . .

2008-12-25T22:22:00.003-05:00

No, Christmas isn't over. It's just begun! In an effort to limit any post-Christmas blues, we will bring you the 12 Days of Dachshunds, with a 12 Days of Christmas theme. (Yes, with any luck, there will be TWO doxies appearing in these pictures.) The first day of Christmas is, well, Christmas. They continue until Epiphany, the day the Three Wisemen visited and brought the first Christmas presents. In the middle ages, the feasting and drinking went on for all twelve days. Of course, they didn't get weekends off from work, so they had to make up for that injustice somehow.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .

A Puppy and a Pear Tree*

*Botanical acccuracy not included.

Merry Christmas, from Derek, Emilie, and Dharma!

Giving Thanks

2008-12-05T22:07:00.005-05:00

A little late, but isn't the whole point of Thanksgiving to be grateful for what you have every day of the year? I really am thankful for many things. Sometimes I feel so lucky that I worry because I don't deserve it all. And, we all know, karma is a bitch. I have a wonderful husband, great friends and family. I have a job I really love, that I am able to do despite my health issues. We have a cute little house of our very own, and an even cuter puppy. But I am also very grateful for little, totally trivial things that make me happy every day. Here are some of them.

1. Lotion. I don't think I'd be alive if I didn't have lotion. I would have shriveled up into a large, pink prune. Lotion is actually a pretty amazing, high-tech invention. It mixes oil and water and keeps them mixed. Just try doing that at home, folks. Before there was lotion, people just slathered on oil. Ick. That's why they talk about anointing kings with oil. Nope, I'll take lotion any day. In all its scented incarnations. Current favorite: Burt's Bee's Almond Milk and Beeswax Hand Cream. Dharma says it is quite tasty, too. I'll just take her word for it.

2. Knee socks. I do love cute, fuzzy socks in general. And I love knee socks even more. They make me feel warm and cozy just looking at them. And Derek thinks they're cute. A-hem. And I love it that knee socks keep me snug even when my nightgown rides up around my knees. Why do they do that? And, while I'm wondering, why don't they make pjs with feet in my size?

3. Candles. I love the light, the motion, the soothing distraction. And the scents. I even like lighting more than one scented candle at once: cinnamon and apple make an apple pie scented room. Vanilla and almond make cookie scented. Tee-hee. And I am very grateful that I don't NEED to see by candles. I can flip on a light and read by it, while I enjoy a purely decorative candle. Much nicer than squinting to sew by hand in candlelight.

4. Books. I love it that I can have tons and tons of books. So many that I learned to speed-read during grad school. What a luxury to have so many books that I can devour as many as I want and never run out. I estimate that I own about 1000 books, not including Derek's books. The library at the medieval monastery of Melk, in Germany, was famous all over Europe for its huge library. They had about 300 books.

5. And libraries. I still can hardly believe that I can go borrow as many books as I can carry for free. And movies and music, too. I read all sorts of things I would never actually pay money for, like The Physics of Star Trek and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dog Tricks and every book the library has about crocheting and interior decorating. They have a whole book about buying a couch. And that's just the public library. There's also the IU library. I actually don't usually go there. I have bad memories of that library, including fainting once in the stacks. (Orthostatic hypotension, I bent over to grab one too many books on the bottom shelf, then passed out when I stood up.) Not to mention the general bad memories of grad school and IU. And to think IU actually called and asked me to donate money to the history department. Uh, let's just say I don't think they'll be calling me again.

6. The internet. Besides the endless goofing off potential, it also lets me access things quickly and easily. I even love the serendipitous misleads I get on Google. When a student asked about syphilis in class the other day (we were talking about the impact of disease on history, like Jared Diamond's Guns Germs and Steel theory.) And I could immediately pull up pictures of the lesions and of a map showing its (theoretical) spread from the New World to the Old. I don't think THOSE students will be practicing unsafe sex any time soon!

7. Bellydance. I love dancing, and I like bellydance best of all. It is still amazing to me that I am able to dance at all with my joint problems. But I can actually do this. I read an article in Arthritis Today magazine in which a doctor said something like "My patients who exercise tell me they hurt after they work out. But my patients who don't exercise tell me they hurt 24 hours a day." So, yes, it hurts my joints, but I think it is good for me. Mentally, too. I love the ladies I dance with, especially the other members of our troupe. And I love performing. I think I draw energy from the dancing, rather than being worn out by it. Is that possible?

I was going for a top-ten list, but I think these seven things are quite enough. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for. And, no, I didn't forget your doxie dose:

I think the most appropriate caption for this pictures is "Slllluuuurp!!!"

Dharma, The Ecdysiast

2008-12-01T09:59:00.003-05:00

Inspired by a previous post, Johnson's Meeting House's designated Poet Laureate penned the following verse and agreed to let us share it with everybody...

The Ecdysiast

Doubt she’ll ever have the
Notoriety of Gypsy Rose Lee;
Or appear on the Sho-Bar stage
Baring all for the world to see.

Never walk the streets of Dallas
Oozing sensuality of a “bur-le-que” queen.
Or grace, like Candy Barr,
The pages of Oui Magazine.

She’s not likely to wave fans
With a feather boa around her throat.
Her favorite dress of choice
Is a cuddly leopard skin coat!

Nor enter the Hall of Fame
Like many ladies of the past;
She’s Bloomington, Indiana’s
One and only, Dharma, the ecdysiast!

Tom—November 2008

Not so cheerful

2008-11-30T13:18:00.008-05:00

I have been very remiss in posting lately. I have been really down for a week or so. One of my students committed suicide. I was really upset. Partially because I feel like I should have noticed something was wrong, said something, done something different . . . And partially because of the really horrible things people said about suicide, depression, and mental illness. Coworkers, other students, and so forth said really ignorant, bigoted things. I think of someone who committed suicide after struggling with mental illness for years as someone who finally lost the fight with a difficult disease. I don't believe people who commit suicide go to hell, I just can't believe in that kind of God. No, people who are depressed are not worthless, the world is not better off without them, and they are not to blame for their condition any more than people with heart disease or cancer. So for a while I alternated between guilt, depression, despair and fury. That pretty much took all of my energy.

Derek fed me and took care of me and put up with me. (I recommend white foods as an antidote to the darkness of depression: pasta, alfredo sauce, clam chowder, ice cream, swiss cheese on crackers and those white chocolate Lindor truffles.) And Dharma cuddled me, licked the tears off my cheeks, and tried to cheer me up. And, eventually, it worked.

Then, just when I felt a little better and needed some cheering up, my good friend Dr. Mrs. Bloomingtonaut came to town and invited me to a party. It was just what I needed. I took a blueberry pie and had a very nice time.

Next posting: a belated list of things I am thankful for.

Cloudy, with some flurries

2008-11-17T19:25:00.007-05:00

Yes, today we had snow flurries. Luckily, Dharma was prepared. She knew just what to wear. Pink leopard print fur.

It isn't very slimming, but it is very warm. And it keeps her tummy warm better than her tweed cape. Do you think she looks like she should be on the Flintstones? Very retro-chic.

The first time she tried it on, she didn't like it very much. So we now present, for your viewing enjoyment . . .

The Dachshund Ecdysiast

The End

Preparing for Winter

2008-11-11T20:58:00.012-05:00

Here at Johnson's Meeting House, we have been stocking up for winter like a pair of hungry squirrels. Our cute little pantry is full.

And we have moved on to the garage for storage. It is very important not to run out of Kleenex during cold and flu season, or out of toilet paper during a snow storm.

Our freezer is full, which is supposed to help it operate more efficiently.

But it is perhaps not as organized as this one. (See more and buy stuff here.)

We went grocery shopping tonight to top off our stores. Emilie was quite proud of herself. The total was over $120, which included saving $27.32 on sale items. Then we watched it go down. We saved $14.90 in coupons. Then $1.80 in doubled coupons. Then $10 in instant rebates. In the end, the total was $76.70. We also got a credit for ten cents off per gallon of Kroger gas. And then they gave us more coupons to play with next time (annoyingly, for things we had just bought.)

I sort of feel like I won a Cracker Jack prize. We bought so many things for our $76.70 that our receipt was almost 1.5 dachshunds long!

Which is sort of like the unit of measurement known as a Smoot. But smaller and cuter. And furrier. Bearing in mind, of course, that the length of a dachshund varies with temperature.

Pie Preferences

2008-11-06T21:19:00.007-05:00

Even if you're not going to be joining us for our pie party, I would still like to know: what is your favorite kind of pie? As a food historian, I am also curious: why is it your favorite, and where did you grow up? So, we'll see if there are regional differences. And I will have lots of good ideas for the pie party.

Left to right: pumpkin, cherry, chocolate pecan, and key lime.

Unfortunately, the survey feature on Blogger is a bit limited. You can choose one of the flavors on the survey at left, above. But to tell me the rest, you will need to post a comment.

One more question: would it be a faux pas to let Dharma wear her Tootsie Roll costume to the pie party, even though Halloween is over?

Patriotic Puppy says to Vote!

2008-11-04T06:12:00.004-05:00

Don't forget to vote. To inspire you, here is a picture of a very patriotic puppy. (With a color-coordinated Derek, too.)

Dharma says "Now, go out there and make me proud!"

Behind the scenes

2008-11-02T23:03:00.010-05:00

How do we get such cute pictures of Dharma? We take dozens, and usually one of them turns out okay. Here Dharma asks "Is that pumpkin following me?" It was, actually. We kept moving it in an attempt to get a picture of her next to the pumpkin.

She also asks "Is this thing edible?" It is. Or, rather, it will be. When we have our annual Pie Party the day after Thanksgiving. Any readers who want to wrangle an invitation are welcome to contact us. Of course, those of you who have been invited in the past will be invited again. I also take pie requests. I think Dharma is hoping for steak and kidney pie, but that probably won't be on the menu.

And, for our loyal reader in Greenwood, we offer the ultimate in behind-the-scenes shots: Doxie 'Tocks!

I know it's silly, but I think dachshunds have the cutest little rears. And when they walk, they try to take such big steps with their little legs that the whole back end wiggles. Tee-hee. My mom has so many pictures of her two dogs running into the pictures she takes of people that she is thinking of writing a whole book of doggie butt photos. I think she will need a faster camera, to eliminate the tail-moving blur. Which was so masterfully depicted by Balla in this painting:

Happy Hallo-wiener!

2008-10-31T21:21:00.004-04:00

Dharma was a Tootsie Roll for Halloween. Well, she is just the right color and shape for it. I only made the "wrapper."

Emilie, the Good Witch, says "I will put a spell on you. It will make your eyes turn green and glow in the dark. I'll get you, and your little dog, too! Bwah, ha, ha!"

Walkin' in a Wiener Wonderland

2008-10-27T23:07:00.006-04:00

This week it has finally started to feel like fall. So Dharma has been wearing her little coats. This pink one is from Emilie's mom. It says "Puppy Love." (It could also say "Crazy Human!" but that would be redundant.)

Dharma wore her jacket for a Winter Wonderland themed photo shoot. The hood is cute, but it doesn't really fit over her ears. So it is purely decorative.

Which picture do you think we should use for our Christmas cards? I think the Christmasy one is cuter and very festive, but the Arctic one is nice and non-denominational.

Once you decide which Presidential Candidate to vote for, you can vote on our Christmas card picture.

Eat your heart out, Coco Chanel!

2008-10-20T23:14:00.005-04:00

Of course, Dharma also has formalwear.

Here, she poses in a Chanel knockoff jacket, from Target. for $2.50. I love Target. And I love my doggie! She is SUCH a good sport. And, unlike a child, is unlikely to grow up and need therapy because I put her baby pictures on the internet. Good thing, too.

Sherlock Dharms

2008-10-18T19:12:00.005-04:00

You know how compulsive gamblers can ask to be put on a special list so the casinos won't let them in? I think I might need a list like that for certain stores. On Friday, I managed to avoid the yarn store, but I did go to the Chocolate Emporium and London Dog. As I type, I am eating bridge mix from the Chocolate Emporium (with no icky raisins!) And I bought Dharma a very overpriced tweed jacket from London Dog. But see how cute it is? Doesn't she look vedy, vedy British? A bit like Sherlock Holmes, but without the pipe? They had hats, but I think that people who put hats on their dogs are even crazier than people who buy them little winter coats. And it was hard enough to keep her from eating the coat, since it has fuzzy lambswool lining that is, apparently, quite tasty.

I also gave in to the latest craze of arranging books to say clever things with the titles. In an effort to avoid total chaos in bookland, I only made one stack.

But I can see how addictive this game could become.

Holidog

2008-10-15T21:46:00.004-04:00

Since Dharma was so good at modeling, we thought she might like to have her picture taken for our Christmas cards. (We don't have kids, so we can't put their picture on our cards, after all.) She really seemed to enjoy the attention, and she was quite good at posing for treats. We like this picture of her in front of the fireplace.

On the other hand, not every shot was so successful. And she tried to eat some of the "props." Silly me, I didn't know bows were edible!

Double Dachshund Dose!

2008-10-14T19:38:00.005-04:00

To make up for the long dearth of daily doxies, here is a double dose. Kind of like the Daily Double on Jeopardy. I may be a crazy person who dresses her dog up in clothes, but my mother is definitely enabling my bad habit. She made Dharma a tiny bandanna. People keep asking "How old is he?" when they see tiny Dharma, so my mother made her a pink bandanna. Real bandannas are far too big for her, they look like superhero capes on her! (Her superhero alter ego is known as Hyper Pup, who can ALMOST fly at top speed.)

Dharma liked the pink one so much, my mother (not known for her moderation) made her a little Halloween bandanna, too. It has glitter on it, so now the whole living room (and the whole puppy) is festively dusted with glitter.

Now, I just have to make Dharma's Halloween costume. . .

Daily Dachshund Dose Returns!

2008-10-13T22:50:00.006-04:00

Dharma, in her fire-hydrant ornamented tee-dress.

Back by popular demand, more Dharma news! Recently, Derek and Emilie have been working too hard and not blogging very much. Emilie is seriously reconsidering her desire to teach 4 classes a semester.

Dharma has started a new career: fashion model. We all went to a Humane Society fundraiser at the local dog park. A big dog off his leash got too friendly and (literally) scared the poop out of Dharma right at the beginning. But then she found some little doggies to play with, including a doxie with two little (human) girls. Dharma was invited to model some clothes for the fashion show by London Dog. And, just like a real model, she got to keep the clothes she wore in the show. It was fun, and we helped to raise $26,000 for local doggies in need of help.

Dharma struts her stuff (with a little encouragement from Emilie.)

More updates to come. After I write a midterm for my U.S. History class. . .

Note: on most web browsers, you can click on the pictures to zoom way in, for ultra-close-ups of the Daily Dachshund.

Good fences make good doggies?

2008-09-07T21:34:00.007-04:00

Finally, we got our fence installed! We had to get approval from our Home Owner's Association. So, you know, we didn't put up a less-than yuppified fence. I wanted a white picket fence, since our house is gray with cute white trim. But, no, you can't have a painted fence. Or a wrought iron one. You can only have a wooden fence, and you can't paint it. Seriously. There is actually someone who had to look at the drawings and plans and say "Yes, that appears to be a wooden fence" and then approve it. Seriously.

But we have a fence now. And Dharma is so happy that she can run around in the backyard without a leash. We still go outside with her, to keep an eye on her. She might be carried off by one of the ominously circling turkey buzzards from the nearby quarry. She might eat too many crickets and barf them up (oh, gross!) Or, most likely, she might dig under the fence and escape.

I apologize for not posting recently. The Ivy Tech semester has begun. Here is a picture of me on the second day of classes. Derek wasn't around to take a picture on the first day, he left before I made it out of bed. Notice the small dog in the foreground. No, I didn't take the dog to work, this was taken in our living room.

And, in contrast, here is a picture of me belly dancing at the Fourth Street Festival of the Arts and Crafts. Derek took this picture, too. He is our unofficial troupe photographer and "roadie."

As you can see, we've been busy!

More guests

2008-08-25T06:28:00.009-04:00

My parents have come and gone, leaving Dharma with far too many treats and toys. And a new pink cushion.

They gave us housewarming gifts, too. For me, a cute little table for the entryway. As you can see, it is a good place to put more books.

For Derek, two utility shelves for the garage. (Boy, what an exciting present!) He is filling them up as fast as he can.

We ate too much, shopped, and watched the Olympics (accompanied by lectures on the greatness of Jim Thorpe, provided by my Dad.) But our favorite activity was playing with the puppy.

Dharma was so spoiled by all the attention that she pouted all day when they left. She kept checking the guest room to see if they were in there, then she sat by the garage door, hoping they would return.

Don't worry, Dharma. We'll take you to see them at Christmas!

Guest Room, Phase Two

2008-08-10T22:04:00.010-04:00

My parents are coming to stay with us in less than a week. So we have been refining the guest room decor. We did finally find a nice "Bed-in-a-Bag" on sale at Sears. I think it is nice for a small, Japanese-themed bedroom. Soothing, not too busy, not excessively "girly." (For girly, see the pics of my bathroom!)

And it has cute matching sheets, too:

I found a cheap, decorate-your-dorm poster and frame on sale. I would like to think it fits the theme of the guest room, while bringing in some of the warmer colors from the living room.

And, following a suggestion from Madame Dr. Bloomingtonaut, I added more scrapbook paper to the wall.

Next, I need to scrub the bathroom. That's not nearly as much fun as picking out color-coordinated papers, but it is perhaps more important to my guests!

Don't worry, you can still vote on wall colors. See the post below.

And, yes, here is your daily dachshund dose!

I think this picture is kind of cute, but also kind of nutty. Dharma is sitting in a little doggie bed that looks like a crib. It came in the mail today from my mom. I do think the golden color sets off her fur nicely, though.

Vote, vote, vote!

2008-08-09T17:46:00.006-04:00

Thank you for your opinions. The Applebee's lampshade is now happily ensconced in my living room (sorry, I couldn't resist the pun.)

Now, for today's question. I am thinking about painting one wall of the living room as an "accent wall." Hopefully, it will emphasize the fireplace and make that end of the room seem cozier and help to separate it from the dining area at the other end. Painting only one wall also avoids having to figure out how to paint the 15-foot-tall part of the other walls.

I am thinking about a nice, warm, cozy color. I have narrowed it down to two choices: sort of a dark brick red or a medium, rosy, terracotta. I have tried to mimic the colors using Photoshop, on part of the wall I plan to paint. It didn't work perfectly, but it should give you some idea. In both cases, the color came out too bright and intense. I guess a real wall would be textured and partially shadowed, so it would have more variation in color.

Here is the darker color:

And the lighter one:

So, do you think this accent wall is a good idea? Which color do you like better? Vote for brick, terracotta, or just leaving it the way it is.

Voting time!

2008-08-04T22:25:00.008-04:00

No, not for President. (Is anyone besides me totally sick of the election? It has already descended into "I know you are, but what am I?" and "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" territory.) Just help me decide how to decorate my living room. My parents are coming to visit in two weeks (eek! lots to do!) and I want it to look extra-nice.

The first question is about a brass lamp that used to be my grandmother's. Here it is with just the globe, no shade.

I think that looks a little plain. Here it is with the sliced--transparent-seashell shade she used with it.

And here it is with the (tacky but cute?) faux-Tiffany shade I bought for it. Yes, it does look like the lamps at Applebee's. It is one. When the local Applebee's re-decorated, they sold a bunch of their old junk to benefit Riley Children's Hospital. Since I am a food historian, I wanted to memorialize the 80's pseudo-neighborhood fern bar, so I bought one. Is it cool, or just weird?

You vote: which shade? Or should I just pry open my wallet with a crowbar and get a new lamp?

And, you knew it was coming, Your Daily Dachshund Dose:

Dachshund Thermometer

2008-08-01T23:23:00.014-04:00

Today we will learn how to tell the temperature by looking at your dachshund. Don't laugh, the first hygrometer (humidity meter) was made using a human hair. You can even learn to build your own. If they had used my hair, it would have broken the instrument, since it curls up so fast in high humidity. Today, I think my hair curled up so much it actually got shorter when I went outside. I think it would dread up if I let it.

Dachshund Thermometer

The trained eye can easily tell the ambient temperature by observing how tightly curled the dachshund is. For instance, this dog is in a room that is approximately 68 degrees:

Notice that, while the dog is tightly curled, the nose is not actually touching the back paws. That would indicate a temperature below 65 degrees, as seen below:

This dog is in a room that is at a comfortable 72 degrees. Notice the straight spine and curved tail.

But this dog is in a space that is at least 80:

Note that extremely cold temperatures may result in poor visibility, making accurate readings difficult:

Silly people who put clothes on their dog thermometer will get poor readings and may also void the warranty:

Warning: do not leave your dog thermometer in the sun too long. Melting may result.