Whozzit day?

No, it is not Columbus Day here. Columbus got lost and then got lucky. He does not deserve a day named in his honor. There are better things to celebrate on this so-called Columbus Day, for example:

1. Fall Leaf-Viewing Day. Take pictures. Drink cider.

2. Mow the Lawn for the Last Time This Season Day. The drinking of cider is optional, but should probably wait until after the mower is safely put away.

3. Stock up on Warm Socks Day. Knitting, buying, or digging out of storage are all permissible.

Pink socks are bestest!

4. Make Soup Day. Cornbread is highly encouraged. Recipe provided upon request.

5. Jump in the Leaves Day. Do this before bagging them, it is less messy that way.

Careful, the glittery leaves are kind of prickly.

6. Walk your Puppy/Kid/Significant Other Day. I'll leave it up to you to decide if you need a leash for this activity.

7. Canadian Thanksgiving. Either be grateful for Canada, or just grateful in general. Turkey eating is common, but not mandatory. Prayers and singing of "Oh, Canada!" will commence at sunset. Touch football will be replaced by soccer for the duration.

8. Is It ANOTHER Football Game Day? Yes, it is. Make pompons out of old newspaper. You may cheer for either team, or just because the game is over. Whatever. Nachos are appropriate for this holiday, but Bagel Bites are also acceptable.

Where are my pompons, Mommy?

9. Dress as Your Favorite Native American day. Just to really tick off Columbus. Great costume ideas: Cher wearing Bob Mackie, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, and Rosa Parks. Yep, she was Cherokee. That's a costume that ought to really confuse people. Don't mess with those Cherokee ladies!

10. Rub your Puppy's Belly Day. In fact, you may celebrate this every single day of the year. I have yet to see a puppy suffer from too much belly rubbing. And believe me, I have done extensive testing. Ear scritches are also appreciated.

You may now celebrate.