Not so cheerful

I have been very remiss in posting lately. I have been really down for a week or so. One of my students committed suicide. I was really upset. Partially because I feel like I should have noticed something was wrong, said something, done something different . . . And partially because of the really horrible things people said about suicide, depression, and mental illness. Coworkers, other students, and so forth said really ignorant, bigoted things. I think of someone who committed suicide after struggling with mental illness for years as someone who finally lost the fight with a difficult disease. I don't believe people who commit suicide go to hell, I just can't believe in that kind of God. No, people who are depressed are not worthless, the world is not better off without them, and they are not to blame for their condition any more than people with heart disease or cancer. So for a while I alternated between guilt, depression, despair and fury. That pretty much took all of my energy.


Derek fed me and took care of me and put up with me. (I recommend white foods as an antidote to the darkness of depression: pasta, alfredo sauce, clam chowder, ice cream, swiss cheese on crackers and those white chocolate Lindor truffles.) And Dharma cuddled me, licked the tears off my cheeks, and tried to cheer me up. And, eventually, it worked.



Then, just when I felt a little better and needed some cheering up, my good friend Dr. Mrs. Bloomingtonaut came to town and invited me to a party. It was just what I needed. I took a blueberry pie and had a very nice time.


Next posting: a belated list of things I am thankful for.