Do not confuse fur babies with people puppies.
1. Diapers. Ick! If you thought scooping the poop was bad, just try changing diapers. Even a human can smell that. At least doggies go outside, not in the house.
2. If you fed your kid the same thing every day, it might be child abuse. Feed me the same thing…feed me anything…and I will love you forever! And no arguments about vegetables or the clean plate club.
3. No talking back. Although I have been known to scold my humans. (Only when they really need it.)
4. We’re cheap. You can get puppies for free. Please adopt a puppy, so many of us need good homes. Apparently you have to pay for babies. Or at least pay the people vet.
5. You can’t get your kids fixed. Even if some parents of teenagers might want to. We saw a bumper sticker downtown that said “Spay and neuter your pets. And all your weird friends and relatives, too.” Um, I have a few humans I would like to nominate, please.
6. No college fund. Although my mommy says if I get any smarter she will start saving up for me to go to school. Is that a threat? I’m not really sure.
7. We’re soft and furry. Babies are bald. Some of them even look a bit like Voldemort, with no hair and flat noses. I am told they outgrow that awkward phase. But, really, dogs are cuter than humans.
8. You can let us sleep in bed with you. I am puzzled that it is apparently uncool to let your people puppies do that. I guess they are too helpless to hog the bed the way puppies do. Come on, you know you want puppy cuddles on a cold night.
9. We can hold up our own heads, thank you very much. Although it is kind of cute when babies are all helpless and floppy. It makes me want to lick their little drool-y chins.
Heads up! (An out-take from the Midas photo shoot.)
10. You can leave us at home without a sitter. And you can put us in a pen without anyone calling the authorities. In fact, we kind of like having a snug little den to go to.
This is my den, also known as the "Dog Cave."
Bonus reasons: if you bathe us once a month, you are a good parent. Just try that with a people puppy! If you brush our teeth occasionally, we’re good. Humans, not so much. No offense, but “human breath” can get pretty stinky.
Incredibly cute word of the day: pummy = puppy + tummy.
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