Puppies are also better than women!

Here's why:

1. 1. We don’t wear makeup. You will never get lipstick marks from smooching us!

Mwaw!

2 2. You will never have to wait for us to finish getting ready for a date.

Puppies need only minimal primping.

3. 3. If you take us out, it won’t cost you anything. A nice walk down the street is just fine with your doggie.

Walkies!

4. We don’t spend money buying purses or shoes. Actually, we might even help you reduce the number of shoes you have (nom, nom.)

5 5. You will never have to listen to us talk about our feelings. In fact, we are very good listeners for whatever you want to talk about. Yes, even sports. We would love to hear all about that great catch you made in ninth grade. Again.

Ha! You crack me up!

6 6. Puppies do not tell embarrassing stories about you to their friends. Well, if they did, you wouldn’t know, because I have yet to meet the human who can speak dog. My mommy says she wants to learn, but I have my doubts about her linguistic abilities.

7. We will never say, “We need to talk.” If I could talk, I might say “We need to play fetch!”

8. 8. We don’t mind if you hang out with the boys. Especially if you do it at home. Those guys are slobs, they drop all kinds of nummy things.

Pig out!

9. 9. We totally won’t complain if you burp, scratch, or do any of those other things like that. We won’t even complain if you figure out a way to lick your own butt.

10. We will never, ever ask you “Does this collar make me look fat?” Although we might crawl weakly across the floor, whimpering, so you can see that we are starving and need to be fed.

Does my butt look big in this picture?

P.S. If any of this seems sexist or simplistic, blame my parents. They let me watch Two and a Half Men on TV.

Watchin' TV.